A still pure heart
by Queen-oh-no-a-whovian
Summary: love isn't easy for a pirate or a princess and yet the captains of two ships seem to find love just as things turn bad
1. thoughts of pain

**Thoughts of pain**

Emma stands watching from the helm as the port comes into view, not saying a word as her crew bustled about their duties, they knew what to do, she doesn't need to order them about. A hum of excitement fills the air, in less than an hour they'll make port, get fresh supplies for a long time at sea and the crew can spend the afternoon doing what they want to do.

As Captain, Emma can enjoy herself in port as well but on this day she's going to be drinking to forget.

" _No no…. please no… Baelfire, please… don't leave me!"_

It's been three years since she left her life as a Princess, since Baelfire, her love, her everything, was murdered before her eyes. She forsook everything, her family, her place for the thrown, all because her heart had been shattered and all hope she had for a happy ending had vanished.

She found her way to a pirate ship and joined it's crew soon after his death…It didn't take her long to figure out how to work on the ship and earn her share and she was already one of the best sword fighters in her kingdom, life as a pirate seemed to come easy as if it was in her blood. Being raised as more of a knight than a prissy porcelain dolly of a Princess had helped in that. She had become Captain within her second year on the ship, killing her predecessor in self-defence when he got drunk and tried to hurt her. She had dared the rest of the crewmen to try something, with her sword raised ready to defend herself, but what they did surprised her, they swore their loyalty to her and designated her the new Captain of the 'Sirens Reach'.

Emma Swan, Princess turned pirate, royalty turned thief. What would her parents think of her now?

 _Doesn't matter they let it happen and she will never forgive them._

As she manoeuvred the ship into the harbour and along the dock she checks the other ships moored in the port, she learnt to recognise the types of ships on sight, whether they're royal, merchant or pirate. There is mostly fishing trawlers from what she can see but at the other end of the docks the mast standing proud, another pirate ship rests.

Killian had sailed the Jolly into the port just as the sun was rising, a storm had thrown them miles off the course he had plotted.

He is sitting at his desk looking over maps wondering where the bloody hell they were. He nor any of his crew have ever been to this port, he didn't even know it existed but he was lucky that it did or the Jolly would not have lasted much longer. She may be made of enchanted wood but she isn't invincible. The repairs to the hull are going to take some time, may as well enjoy himself while he's here.

"Captain on deck!" Smee shouted as Killian climbed the ladder from his quarters.

He waved his hand, silently ordering the crew to continue their duties.

"Report" Killian asked stepping toward his first mate.

"There wasn't too much damage Captain, an easy repair although it will take a few days as you said"

"See that it's done within three, Smee."

Killian would prefer not to linger to long at an unknown port anything could happen, especially when they don't know the area or the people nearby.

"Aye Captain" Smee said as he scurried off

As Killian is heading back toward the hatch that leads to his quarters he quickly looks over the port sussing out the area, in the distance another pirate ship is sitting and a wave of blonde hair catches his eye as it disappears around a corner.

Emma is standing outside the trading post where she will purchase the supplies, waiting impatiently for her cabin boy to catch up. He's fourteen healthy and fit, yet he seems incapable of keeping up.

"Seriously Nathaniel?" she questions as he finally catches up "Someone would swear you were out of shape by the speed you walk"

Emma brought the kid on as an apprentice of sorts, teaching him sword fighting and telling the crew to teach him in everything else. About a year ago she found him homeless, living on the street scavenging for scraps and begging for coin. When they became friends, Baelfire told her about his mother being killed and his father abandoning him, knowing that no one should live without parents and seeing how alike Nathaniel and Baelfire were, both growing up alone, she decided to give him a chance to have a home and they quickly.

"Sorry Captain, just not used to walking on land anymore is all"

"You'll get used to it again… at least ya' didn't fall on ya' arse when you stepped off the ship…. I did" she said smiling and turning to the door

The trading post is a simple building at the docks that provides necessities for long periods at sea, items like casks of water and ale, dried foodstuffs and timber in case a ship needs repairs. Emma stepped to the counter and Nathaniel waited by the door. Being the best at haggling, she has always taken care of this herself, knowing when someone is lying has its perks when making deals.

Once she had finished purchasing what the needed, they headed back to the ship.

"Kid, help the boatswain with anything he need when the deliveries arrive. I'll be in my quarters if anything's gone awry, god know it always does here"

"Aye Captain swan" he exclaimed as he jumped from the gangplank to the deck

Emma gave him a rueful smile and went to her quarters.

As soon as she stepped in the room Emma went straight for the rum, slouched down in her chair and drank straight from the bottle not caring about the glass mere feet away. The soothing burn washing away her reeling thoughts and smothering the ache in her heart that has haunted her since Baelfire's death

" _Find your happiness Emma… even if it's without m_ …"

He died in her arms, she was holding him close crying, begging him to stay but it was already too late he was gone and she was alone. She left straight away not looking back, not saying a word, not taking anything but the clothes on her back, a small purse of coins and the knife in her boot. She used her coins to buy some more practical clothes, a vest, a couple shirts, and leather pants, but most importantly with the very last of her coins she purchased a specially crafted cutlass sword.

When she found the ship and requested a position among his crew the captain merely scoffed amused by the idea that a woman would come aboard a pirate ship let alone want to join its crew. But she remained certain and unmoving in her decision, so he thought that she could replace the cabin boy recently died in an 'unfortunate accident' whatever that meant but she believed she was worth more than a mere cabin boy and argued for a better place (a brave thing to do on a ship full of pirates) so he gave her a chance for a better spot on the ship.

" _You think you're a better fighter than my crew? Hah…. Ok then, a test, a fight to the death. If you win you can replace the crewmember you killed"_

A big burly guy stepped from stepped out from the crowed that formed on the deck and hefted his sword, he was at least a foot taller than her and weighed twice as much but she downed him in an instant allowing the pain in her soul to control her actions. He was the second life she had taken, the first was the person who killed Baelfire and even though most of the lives she had taken were out of self-defence not all of them were and it's only gotten worse.

The day Emma became captain was not one she'll forget, she was perfectly content doing what she was doing until the captain had sent for her. Little did she know he was stinking drunk and intending to hurt her. The moment he touched her she realised exactly his intentions escaped from his grip and ran up onto deck to get away from him but there was nowhere to go they were surrounded by sea. So when she heard him follow her up she turned, drew her sword and ran him through where he stood. Nearly the whole crew saw it and they decided in that moment that she should be captain of the 'Siren Reach'


	2. lover prospects

**Authors note**

 **So this is my very first fanfic and I have a good feeling about it. I hope everyone who reads it will enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own o.u.a.t**

Lover prospects

The sun will be setting soon and Killian has no intention to spend the evening in his quarters so he leaves his ship and goes to find his crew in the tavern. The town is like a maze, the streets and alleyways going every which way, he found out that morning that the town is called Genador, a mere fishing town not even worth piracy, no wonder he didn't know about it . He finally finds it hidden down an alley _"precarious_ " he thinks as he walks into the alley (why would they put it here?). The sign is faded but is still legible 'The Mermaid's Well' and as he walks in he sees the reason it was hidden away, obviously this is a tavern for the less reputable people (this should be fun). As he looks for at least one member of his crew to have a drink with, his heart skips a beat at what he has spotted.

The most beautiful woman Killian has ever seen with golden hair and bright green eyes, sits at a table playing cards. She shouts in victory and draws him out of his sudden stupor, she's a pirate he can see that much, but what would make someone as beautiful as her become a pirate? He walks over to her table with an easy way to start a conversation.

"May I join?" he asks with a smirk, glad that his bravado came back, she had thrown him off kilter for a moment there.

"Sure" she says with an eyebrow raised "You're from that other ship right? What's your name?" her eyebrow is still raised. A challenge?

"Killian Jones. Captain Killian Jones. And you?"

"Captain Emma Swan" she says shuffling the cards and doling them out. "Nice to meet you Captain Jones"

Not just a pirate but a pirate captain, this woman's going to be quite the puzzle. Emma places a bet and everyone matches it, a knowing devilish grin on her face. Had she stacked the deck? Yep this is going to get interesting.

"So Captain Jones, what brings you to Genador? I've not seen your ship here before" she asks over her cards, an indecipherable look in her eyes and a smile on her face.

"Why you want to know?" He's challenging her now, throwing another coin onto the pile and raising his eyebrow. He feels drawn to her and he doesn't know why, he's trying to ignore it but it's hard when it's the reason he came over.

Emma looked him over considering him for a moment then placed her cards on the table face down. They all followed, the two men on the other side of the table folding as well, Killian and the boy on the other side of Emma showing their cards. The boy had won that round taking the small pile of coins, a bright smile on his face. Emma had a similar smile, bright a beautiful and hiding something, the smile isn't entirely reaching her eyes. A hint of sadness is suppressed behind her beautiful green irises.

"You know I'd tell you why I asked but I'm afraid my reason is incredibl….."

"Captain Swan, fancy seeing you here!" she was interrupted by a shout at the door, A tall man with oily unkempt hair and a drooping brown moustache was swaggering toward them. "For fucks sake" Emma muttered as she saw him, recognition written across her features. She knows him?

"Nathaniel, go back to the ship" Emma whispered, the boy next to her reacting immediately, nodding, getting out of his seat and leaving the tavern. "A pleasure as always, sheriff" her voice dripping with sarcasm as she's tilting her head, pursing her lips and giving the man a hard stare.

Killian had noticed that Emma had shifted slightly, she just prepared herself for attack…

The moment she saw him she knew getting out of the tavern wasn't going to be easy, sheriff Vanguard is always looking for a fight, especially with her. She was actually starting to enjoy herself, playing cards with a few of her crew, Killian showing up had topped it but then this pompous prat showed up. The pain from Baelfire's death had finally started to fade and knew it wasn't the alcohol that caused it, as soon as Killian showed up, the feeling started to subside. Guess fate didn't want that to happen.

"What are you doing back in town, Swan? Thought I told you never to come back" the disdain on his face is clear, the sneer, the way he just ruffled his oily curls. Yep he's mad alight and he hates Emma's guts

"Oh but I just love fucking with you, seeing the frustration on your face when I win, it was just too funny to resist" she grinned. She knows she going to win, she always does, especially when he's running on blind rage. He always makes mistakes when he's angry

"You made a huge mistake coming back here Swan" he's turning red with rage now. Emma shot the two crew members across the table a glance and they prepared themselves for a fight, gripping their swords and waiting for a signal. She looked at Killian he had already prepared, obviously he's helping.

"But you're the one who sought me out Vanguard"

"Well this is the last time I'll have to do that" he sneered drawing his sword

Emma was up in an instant followed by the two crewmen and Killian, her sword clashed with Vanguard's striking sparks as they make contact. Killian and the crewmen were each taking on a person of their own, the sheriff had brought three lackeys with him and they were standing at the sidelines until the weapons were drawn. Obviously he was hoping he could out number her.

"Is that so?" she says as she raises her sword against another attack "I've fought with merrows mate, you're nothing compared to those monstrosities!"

Because of her taunting words Vanguard grows even angrier and slashes out in a parry of violent swings, which was his mistake. Emma went for his hand, slicing it off at the wrist, instantly disarming him.

He screamed in pain as he fell to his knees grasping at his now severed limb. Emma lifted her bloodied sword under his chin lifting his head to look her in the eyes, the threat was clear, she was considering killing him and by the way visibly paled and not just from blood loss he could see it in her eyes. The other fights around them had stopped, clearly Vanguards lackeys were no match for her crewmen or Killian Jones.

They were all watching, her crewmen, the other people that were in the tavern with scared looks on their face and Killian. He looked worried, he could see the look in her eyes, the consideration of killing the foolish man who dared attack her, but Emma saw something else hope. Hope that she won't choose the path of darkness and kill the man, hope that she will do the honourable thing and spare him.

For a moment staring into the deep blue eyes of the man she just met the pain that haunted her, the memories that kept her awake at night had vanished and she saw a flash of light amongst an ocean of darkness.

"I better never see you again, or I sparing you will have just been a delay for your death" she said as she finally made her decision. Sparing him might be a huge mistake but she decided that this time she will do the right thing, she decided to have hope again.

Killian went with Emma to her ship instead of going straight back to the jolly, he needed to make sure Emma was alright and he needed to talk to her. He didn't even realise when they were in that tavern that not a single member of his crew was there he was to absorbed into the siren's call that was Emma's eyes, to busy gazing at her beauty, at her golden hair to even care. She's a bloody siren for sure and she has most certainly enchanted him.

"Captain Jones, welcome aboard the Sirens Reach" she's smiling widely and is extremely happy considering what had happened in the tavern. The sadness he saw in her eyes earlier seems to have disappeared. The fact that he's been calling Emma a siren and her ship is named the 'Sirens Reach' amuses him and almost makes him believe it.

As he jumps down from the gangplank Killian surveys her ship, intricate carvings that almost look like stories run along the railing and the deck is clean, but it's covered in artistic paintings trapped underneath varnish. Apart from that her ship looks just like the Jolly. Who did those paintings?

"Smith!" Emma shouts as she stares at Killian with interest, he's definitely got her attention

"Aye Captain?" a slim man with bright red hair pops up from below decks at her shout.

"Has there been any trouble while I was gone?"

"No Cap'n, were we expecting some?" he says giving a wary look at Killian.

"No, there was just a confrontation at the tavern, no matter." She waves the incident off as nothing as she steps toward Killian "if you will Captain, may we have a chat in my quarters?" she says as she winks and points at the hatch by the helm.

Killian suddenly feels very tight in his leather pants, being alone with her is so different compared to being in the company of others and she knows it, brushing her hand across his arm as she walks past. She grabs a bottle and questioningly waves it in front of her with a couple glasses in her other hand and a smile on her face. Yep she's torturing him. He mutely nods, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Why's that?

" _Best not to think too hard about it mate"_

"You're the one who wanted to chat, I could see it your face" she says handing him a glass "so chat"

"You trusted that I'd help and not run of and let you die, why?" it's been bugging him since they left the tavern

"I could see it on your face and the fact that when shit started to hit the celling, you opted for a fighting stance instead of planning an escape" she's staring at him over the rim of her glass.

As they drink from their glasses he asks all the questions that have been on his mind since he saw her, some she's more willing to answer than others. Minutes turn into hours and he finally has no more questions, he takes his leave saying goodbye and kissing the back of her hand, he swaggers back to his ship and slumps down in his quarters.

He's so screwed….


	3. memory lane

**Authors note**

 **Welcome to the third chapter, hopefully you enjoyed the first two. In case anyone is wondering Killian has both hands but he did spend a couple centuries in Neverland which I'll get around to.**

 **Disclaimer: nope**

Memory lane

She wakes up with a smile on her face for the first time in over three years. Today Emma's heart doesn't feel as burdened and she knows the reason, those deep blue eyes fluttered throughout her dreams, his bright smile and the feel of his lips on her hand.

She decided last night after he had left that she would visit Killian's ship today, she wants to get to know him more and seeing his ship might enlighten her a bit.

To excited to wait (she may be a pirate but that doesn't mean she has completely lost the princess) she jumps out of bed and skips getting dressed in the usual manner, instead she decides to use her magic. A swirl of white whirls around her, covering her completely and disappears, her simple white night dress is gone and a white under shirt, a gold laced brown vest with brocade sleeves, tied shut at the front and black leather pants takes its place.

She found out about her magic when she was fourteen not long after she met Baelfire, she was annoyed that her parents were dragging her off on another diplomatic mission, with a burst of emotion she lit all the candles and the fire place. Her parents had witnessed it and seeing what became of Regina because of magic and they were more than a little worried. Talking to Blue they had voiced their fears and Blue had reassured them that it was fine.

It took her years of training by a mix of the fairies and Regina but eventually she mastered it. Then Baelfire was murdered and she ran away, hiding it so as not to draw attention to herself. The only person who knows about it is her best friend, the green eyed, black haired fourteen year old, Nathaniel.

Grabbing her sword belt she puts it on, climbs to the deck and leaves the ship.

It only takes Emma minutes to get the jolly, seeing the buzz of activity around the ship before she gets to it. Killian had told her about the storm and the damage to the ship saying he'd be here for at least a week because that's how long it'll take. She saw the lie but she didn't mention it, merely smiling playing along with the hope he had to get to know her.

When she steps onto the gangway of his ship, she's greeted by a rather rotund man with a red wool cap on his head.

"I'm Captain Swan, I'd like to speak with Captain Jones, if you may" at her request the round man merely nodded and wandered along the deck toward a hatch leaving her there.

"Captain Swan, I wasn't expecting to see you so early" the sun had only come up an hour ago. But he had to admit he was glad to see her, when Smee came to his quarters telling him that Emma was here he was surprised but grinning like an idiot with how overjoyed he felt. Even after three hundred years Killian can still be a child sometimes.

"Ah, but you were expecting to see me" her eyebrow is raised and she's giving him a sly smile. She looks even more enchanting in the light of day, her hair is practically glowing.

"Well I knew you couldn't resist my charm, love"

"A bit cocky of you." She says grinning as she sweeps past him to look to survey the deck "your ship is lovely, of course it's not covered in paintings or carvings but that's understandable"

"Who did those paintings by the way" he forgot to ask last night.

"I did, actually" of course she did, she really is turning out to be quite the puzzle.

"Well they were fascinating to say the least, would you like to have a drink?" he wants to talk to her, she barely told him anything about herself, hiding them behind smiles and witty remarks. She nods and he guides her toward his cabin

She seems far more relaxed than he had yesterday, he felt like a teenager afraid of getting caught in her room by her parents. Does she have parents?

She's looking at a book of one the shelves, some fancy poetry thing that Liam owned before he died. It still hurt to think of him but not as much as it used to.

Emma's flipping through the pages a grin on her face and a disbelieving look in her eyes.

"Poetry huh?" her grin is still there, she's teasing him and it seems to be relaxing

"It was my brother's" he gave her a rueful smile and her smile faltered as she put the pieces together.

She considered him for a second before closing the book, stroking her hand over the cover and placing it back on the self. Then she walked toward him and did something he really wasn't expecting, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, pulling him close and whispering apologies. It took him a moment to respond, it had stunned him to say the least but when it registered in his mind, he wrapped his arms around her back pulling her closer, splaying his fingers through her lose hair and closed his eyes.

He had no idea how long they were standing there just holding each other, the rum he had poured forgotten. She seemed just as reluctant to let go as he was but when she did she gave him a sad smile and picked up glass drinking its contents in one go.

"You ok, Swan?" he put his hand on her shoulder and she turned to face him. For a moment she looks far sadder than he feels but in a second it's gone hidden once more behind a smile. What had happened to her? The gold ring on her necklace makes him wonder

"Yeah I'm fine" she put her hands on his chest and stepped closer, her masquerade could fool anyone but now he's seen past it, it can't fool him any longer. "You wanna go to a tavern? I'm sure it'll be far more interesting that sitting in here"

"Aye, love. Whatever you want" smiling at his answer she walks past him and climbs the ladder, shaking his head, he follows her up.

What was she thinking just hugging him like that? Her whole time as a pirate she hasn't lost control of her emotions, even before that she had a really good grip on things. She doesn't let her emotions control her, she's not that type of person.

Now Emma has a problem, she's known Killian for one day and she's already too attached. How did he get through her walls so easily? Now she's sitting in a tavern with him staring at her with a worried look from across the table. The tavern is a lot nicer than the one they met in, brighter, less miserable.

"So tell me Swan, how'd you become the Captain of your ship?" seriously? This again? He had asked this questions several times last night and she didn't tell him, she didn't want to. Guess it's better than asking questions that will lead to Baelfire.

"I killed the previous Captain" she deadpanned. The look on his face is now indecipherable.

"Why?" why? Why? Of all the questions he could have asked. Why? Had to be the one he chose. Emma looks away from him and sighs, may as well tell him the truth what harm could it do.

"He was drunk and tried to… He tried to hurt me, there was no escape, unless I wanted to drown so I ran him through" she's looking at her hands now, she's never told anyone before not even Nathaniel. The only people who knew were the people who witnessed it.

"I understand" he says as he grabs her hands in his own. "I became the Captain of the Jolly because of my brother's death, although they may be completely different circumstances and three hundred years apart, I understand"

"Did you just say three hundred years?" she can't hide her shock, how is that possible

"Aye" three hundred years?

"Wa…. How?" her eyes are wide and her mouth is gaping.

"It was a place called Neverland, time doesn't move there. Magic keeps everything on the island young. I went there a couple centuries ago and only got back to this land a day before that blasted storm" he can't be serious, but he is, not a single lie was in what he said.

Wait. Neverland? It rang her head but she couldn't remember why she knew it.

"Why?" now he's shocked, just like when she wasn't expecting him to ask why, he wasn't expecting her to ask it.

"I wanted to outlive the man that was responsible for my brother's death"

She understands now, wanting to outlive the person who was responsible for a loved one's passing. She had outlived Baelfire's murderer, killing him mere moments after he killed Baelfire and Killian out lived his brother's murderer by using magic to keep himself young

"Ok"

"Ok?" he looks confused at her response

"I understand what it feels like to want to outlive someone who's hurt us" she gives him a rueful smile as she looks back down at their entwined hands, he didn't let go the whole time. Without giving him a chance to ask more questions she speaks up again "have you seen the town? I should show you around. There's an amazing market in the town square, sells all kinds of things"

Without saying a thing he smiles and stands, rounding the table and offering his hand. She takes it stands and before she knows it his hand is around her waist and their walking out of the tavern to traverse the town.

He's watching her as they walk side by side back to her ship. Killian had bought her a necklace at one of the stalls which she is currently twirling in her fingers nervously the red gem glistening as it turns, her other hand is hooked around his arm and hasn't moved from that spot since he gave her the necklace.

It's late now the sun set an hour ago and the torches around the docks are lit, the bright flames making her golden hair glow orange. She looks so beautiful, beautiful and broken, there's a pain in her past that she's hiding but he hopes she'll tell him soon.

As they walk along the gangway up to her ship Emma stops and turns before reaching the end. Obviously he's not going any further

"Goodnight Killian" it's the first time she's called him by his name.

His heart skips a beat as she reaches up and presses her lips to his. It starts tender but deepens, placing his left hand on her hip while the other moves up to her hair tangling itself there, moving his tongue across her lips to gain further entrance. She opens up willingly parting her lips and grabbing the lapels of his leather coat, it's beyond passionate, a crush of lust and emotion all piled into this one kiss.

The kiss ends too quickly as she pulls back still holding onto him. He's left speechless as she lets go and turns, walking away from him and heading to her cabin, before she gets there he calls out

"Goodnight Emma!" she smiles at his before turning back again and climbing down the ladder

He goes back to his ship and lays down in his bed, the kiss the only thing he thinks about as he drifts off to sleep.

He wakes happy with thoughts of the night before flowing through his head once more. He get up and dressed straight away with the hopes of seeing her again.

As he steps onto deck and there's a hive of activity around him, people talking and staring at something. He follows the eyes, his mind goes blank and he stops breathing. Black smoke is billowing through the air darkening the port. He runs of the ship without batting an eye.

The 'Sirens Reach" is on fire….


	4. burn 'em down

**Thanks to all the amazing o.u.a.t blogs on Tumblr that have given me the inspiration for this.**

 **Disclaimer: not even close**

Burn 'em down

"CAPTAIN, CAPTAIN!" Nathaniel's voice is ringing in her ears and her body shaking. Emma's eyes fly open to look upon his face, Nathaniel is terrified, his eyes are wide and there's a squeak of fear in his voice.

"Kid? What is it?" she stands up and grabs his shoulders, bending to look at his face. He's petrified and that doesn't happen, the kid is never afraid of anything, so anything that makes him scared, she should be scared of too.

"The ship's on fire! We have to go!"

On fire?

Emma's eyes widen at his words, they're in deep shit. Without another word she grabs her sword and makes for the ladder dragging the kid up with her. Tying her sword belt around her, she surveys the deck, the crew are all dead and the flames cover the bodies that scatter it, no one's escaped.

There's no way to get the gangplank, the fire is in between them and it, burning heat waves the only thing she can see. Black smoke rises into the sky, plumes of it thickening the air. With no other choice, she urges him onto the rail and climbs up next to him, looking him in the eye she takes his hand and they jump.

She's still wearing her night dress, she didn't have time to change, and it clings to her body as she climbs up onto the dock helping Nathaniel up as well.

She's on her feet in a second running toward the gangway, stopping dead in her tracks as she reaches it. Emma watches as her ship, her home and the people she'd come to think of as family burn, without a single thing she can do to stop it. She hadn't even considered her magic, what's the point? Magic can't bring back the dead.

"I told you, you shouldn't've come back here, Swan"

Emma turns at the voice, behind her, Vanguard and four other guys each hold torches, an evil look on their faces. They set fire to her ship and killed her crew, her family and for that they will pay dearly.

A burst of rage fills Emma's chest, she lifts her hand and locks her magic around his throat, lifting Vanguard three feet in the air. The others try to stop her, try to pull him down but she waves her other hand and they all fly forward into the flames aboard the ship, their screams echoing in her ears. She's letting her anger control her, she's letting the darkness in.

She tightened her grip and lifted him higher, he's clawing at his neck with his single hand, suffocating under her magic's force. She won't show him mercy, not this time, she has no more left to give.

Nathaniel has fallen to his knees, tears are streaming down his face as he watches the flames. Vanguard has not only killed Emma's family, he's killed Nathaniel's as well.

A shout in the other direction draws her attention away, Killian is running along the docks toward her and when he sees what is happening he freezes, looking between her and Vanguard. She's loosened her grip but he is still held up high, it's amazing he hasn't choked to death yet.

"Emma, love. What are you doing?" his voice is low and cautious and she hesitates, he's afraid she can see it in his blue eyes, But it's not fear of her it's fear for her. She loosens her grip a bit more.

"He killed them all, my family, his family…" She says pointing at Nathaniel as he continues to cry broken sobs into his hands. "He has to pay"

"Not like this, Swan. Not by your hands" he's edging closer

" _What would your mother think if you let the darkness in? ... I know what it's like Emma dear, you need to resist it"_

She hears a familiar voice in her head. Emma's step grandmother had found her a week after she had run away, begging her to come home, to not to give in to the darkness like she had once done.

Regina had redeemed herself, taking the chance to change when Snow White gave it to her, the day after she was supposed to be executed. The Evil Queen was evil no longer and had begged Emma to not let the darkness in.

Now a man with bright blue eyes was begging the same thing, but she didn't know if she could resist it now. She had already killed those other men, threw them into the flames to die in the most painful way, screaming in agony as their flesh melted off. How can she stop?

A hand touches her arm and she refocuses. Killian is now right next to her, his eyes staring at hers, worry written all over his face.

"Let go, love. Just let go"

At his words she lets him go, dropping to her knees as he drops to the dock unconscious. Tears start pouring down her face as her rage dissipates into unrefined grief with nothing to hold it back. Killian's arms are around her in a second, holding her tight as the pain swells up in her chest, magnified tenfold compared to Baelfire.

She's lost her family and she's lost her hope anew….

Killian brought Emma and Nathaniel back to his ship. Emma wasn't crying any more, holding them back behind a new mask of indifference but the pain that losing her crew had caused is obvious in her bright green eyes.

She had called them family and the broken sobs as she cried in his arms had proved it was so very true in her heart and she had just lost them all save one.

When they got into his quarters she had pulled the boy into her arms as he cried, the tears welled up behind her eyes, he could see it building beneath the surface but she didn't let them fall, blinking them back. He got two of his crewmen to lock Vanguard in the brig, he was going to kill him for sure, he just didn't want Emma to be the one to do it and especially not out of vengeance.

Now he's sitting at his desk watching Emma sleep, he gave her and Nathaniel each their own rooms but she had decided to go into his quarters while he wasn't there and fell sleep in his bed. She's sleeping soundly, curled up on the bed a green night dress covering her body, she was in a different one he found her. Had she made that with magic?

When he had found her on the docks next to the still burning ship, he stopped dead in his tracks seeing her holding the loathsome man high in the air without even touching him, the look in her eye of pure rage. He could feel her magic flowing through the air around them, the pain she was feeling burning the air even hotter than the flames and thicker than the black smoke billowing in the air. He wasn't afraid though at least not for himself. He knew what it was like go down a dark path and he didn't want the brightness in her eyes to be replaced by the dark.

"I know you're staring at me" her gentle voice drags him out of his thoughts as her eyes flutter open and her pink lips curve into a sad smile.

"Sorry, love"

"I wasn't complaining" she says as she sits up and swings her legs down beside the bed. "So captain, you got room for two more crewmembers?" her masquerade is back.

"You want to join my crew?" he says raising an eyebrow, he wasn't expecting that.

"Well yours is the only pirate ship in the area"

"Why?"

"Because me and Nathaniel have nowhere else to go. Honestly if you don't want to take me on board that's fine but at least take him" she's pleading for the boy, the last piece of family she has left and she wants him to have a home.

"Aye lass, I understand. You can join my crew but…"

"But I'm not the Captain and my loyalties lie with you, yada, yada, yada, I get it" she cut him off.

"We'll be leaving port at first light tomorrow then, if there is anything you need in town you should get it today while the suns still up and the stores are still open"

"I don't need anything" she sounds sad, resigned, she staring at the ground in defeat.

He doesn't like it and before he notices he's walking over to her, pulling her to her feet and pressing his lips to hers in a deep emotional kiss to erase her frown. He doesn't want to see her sad anymore because it hurts his heart knowing everything she had lost just a few hours ago, but he understands that it'll take time to heal.

But he worries that he'll never see a genuine smile on her face again and that hurts even more than losing his brother did.

As Emma lies in her new quarters on the Jolly Rodger, thinking of all the things she's now lost, she gets a familiar itch, one she hasn't had in months. She sits up, faces the wall beside her bed and begins to paint with her magic.

Not again...

 **Reviews?**


	5. magic's way

**Authors note:**

 **I hope people are liking this fanfic, like I said it's my first ever, I know it won't be as good as future ones, or ones done by other people who've had practice, but I thinks it's going well. ;)**

 **Disclaimer: so sad, yet so true**

Magic's way

Three paintings now cover the wall next to her cot, vibrant pictures telling stories of magic. She's doing another one now, just under the porthole, this is the fourth time this week that it's happened but she doesn't have a choice, so she continues.

The first time Emma got up to do this was soon after she left her home, staying in an inn, still broken and crying after Baelfire's death. She got up from her bed, sat on the floor and had started to paint, watching has her hands did all the work with no idea what she was doing. She had tried to stop it, tried to control it but she couldn't, so eventually she stopped trying, covering her ship in the magical pictures and carving them into the rails when no one was looking.

As she finishes the one she's doing now a knock wraps on the door and she turns to face it.

"Come in" she has a nervous look on her face, this isn't her ship, she shouldn't be doing this but she can't stop. The door opens, it's Killian

"Lass, you didn't come up above deck this morning. Are you ok" she's spent most of the morning magic painting of course she didn't come up. She snorts, _"Magic painting"_

"I'm fine" she's smiling like an idiot, it's amusing, he hasn't seen them yet. Apparently losing all the people she cared about hasn't taken away her childish sense of humour.

"Love?" he's dubious but a smile breaks out across his face as well.

"I'm fine, really" she's still smiling and it's not fake, finding the dumbfounded look on his face funny. "Let's go up, I was about to before you came in any way"

He nods and looks past her, his smile faltering when he sees the picture underneath the porthole, then turning seeing the others along the wall. Damn it.

"Why are there paintings on the walls?" he doesn't seem angry but he doesn't seem happy either.

"I'm sorry I didn't have a choice… it's a thing, I can't explain it and I can't control it"

"You can't control it? Your ship was covered in them…" he's shaking his head, confused.

"Yeah?" she doesn't know what else to say.

"Yeah? Just yeah? You…. You don't even know why it's happening do you?"

Why it's happening? She never even thought about it. It just is. It started a few days after Baelfire's death and again after her crew's deaths. Each time had caused her great pain and each picture depicts magic causing pain, sirens killing young sailors, potions stopping hearts, taking people away from the people who love them.

She looks at the pictures over the cot putting the pieces together. Heart break. Is that it? Is that what her magic is making her do? Paint other peoples heart break, other people's pain. She's been creating pictures of empathy, knowing how they feel and subconsciously recognising them by painting them. That must be it.

She looks back at Killian, worry is written across his handsome face. She doesn't want to tell him, at least not yet, she can see that he cares for her, and she cares for him, she doesn't want him to feel anxious about it, so she gives a reassuring smile, takes his hand and they walk above deck.

She needs a distraction, something, anything, but what? They're surrounded by sea, have been for some days. Then it hits her, an idea but she couldn't it would be wrong, she barely knows him. She looks at him once more and a fire coils low in her belly, there goes propriety right out the window. She's done it before and she's finds him attractive, may as well live while she's young…

Kilian observes her soft features from the helm, she's standing in profile to him, staring out at the shining blue sea that surrounds them. she's beautiful, still as enchanting as the first time he saw her, her hair glowing gold in the midday sun. He didn't give her any jobs, he didn't want or need to but she had decided to be lookout, watching for sails or land in the distance, she seems rather determined.

When she hadn't come out of her room first thing like she had the first three days on the ship, it had concerned him, her breaking a routine that was obviously hard wired. Then to find out she had lost control of her own body, unable to leave her quarters, it had worried him even more. When she said that she had done the paintings on her ship, he never imagined that she didn't have a choice, that she didn't have control.

" _Magic comes with a price…"_

A voice he will never forget rings in his head and a pang of worry grabs his heart. What will be her price?

Watching her now, he realises something that he can't deny. He has feelings for her, it's not love, at least not yet but it's something and he's gonna let it take him where it will.

"Captain?" Smee approached without him even noticing.

"What is it, Smee?" he has a rather worried look about him, looking down and fondling his cap.

"Was it wise to bring Miss Swan and the boy on board, Captain?" the audacity. Killian's brows knit together, his first mate is questioning his decisions.

"Are you questioning your Captain?" his voice is low and threatening, how dare he challenge his authority especially regarding Emma.

"Apologies Cap'n, it's just the boy is obviously still loyal to her and she seems to be making her own decisions when it comes to what she's doing on the ship"

"Because I'm letting her" Smee is looks up at his words, more questions in his eyes. And Killian is growing increasingly impatient.

"Why?" his resolve snaps at the question, grabbing Smee by the collar of his shirt and dragging him closer

"My reasons are my own, question them again, at your peril!"

He lets Smee go, staggering back, and looks back toward Emma, she's staring, she'd seen it unfold but he doubted she heard it.

Ordering dale (a crewman standing nearby) to take the helm Killian swaggers over to Emma.

"Everything ok?" she says with a smirk and eyebrow raised

"Aye love, of course it is"

"So I was wondering…" she put her hands on his chest with a look in her eyes that speaks trouble and his heart beat sped up. What is she up to? "… If you wanted to go somewhere a little bit more… private?" does she mean what he thinks she means? He swallows hard.

She takes his hand and starts walking, a grin on her face and mischief in her eyes. She's waling them to his quarters. What an interesting turn of events.

His mind goes blank as they step into the room, she turns and her lips are suddenly crushing against his in a bruising passionate kiss. She closes the door, lips still pressed to his, pushing him back against the door. Her hands are working at his vest while their tongues dance and he plays with her hair. She's a siren, she has to be. Using her kiss, her voice, her beauty to enchant him. She pulls back for a breath still fondling with the clasps and looks into his eyes her green ones blown wide with lust and a grin on her lips.

He turns the tables, switching places pushing her against the door, he doesn't know what's gotten into her but he's enjoying it. He's kissing down her neck, sucking and biting, leaving marks. She pushes his shirt, vest and long leather jacket to the floor and combs her fingers through his chest hair. He hikes one of her legs around his waist and grinds into her, she moans. She's still wearing her clothes. _Too much clothes_ he thinks pulling back to start working at the laces of her bodice.

She's still pressed against the door, chest heaving with desire. He finally has the laces undone, and pulls the bodice off her followed by shift. He presses into her again cupping one of her now bare breasts in his hand and crushing his lips against hers once more.

In this moment it's just them. She makes quick work of the laces of his pants and he springs free from the confines as she pushes them down his legs. He groans as she takes him in hand pumping back and forth. He needs to be in her, so he works at the laces of her pants until she stands as bare as he.

"Fuck, you're beautiful" he says pushing her against the door again and devouring her mouth.

He puts his hand between her legs to feel her. God she's so wet. She's panting as he rubs her sensitive nub between his finger. He pushes a finger in, she's so tight and ready for him.

"Gods, Killian…" she moans "I need you"

Straight away he lifts her up, her legs around his waist, wet heat pressed against him, he carries her to the bed. He lays her down, her legs still around his waist he can't wait any longer, he lines himself up and thrusts in hard and deep burying himself in her all the way to the hilt. Her gasp quickly turns into a moan, he should wait, let her adjust, but she feels so good, he starts to move.

It's all moving so fast, racing to the finish line with slow deep thrusts, her fingernails dragging down his back, quickening his movements. He looks in her eyes, still hungry and lustful, he kisses her again. He feels her clamp down, moaning loudly from her release and he follows her into bliss, spilling into her without even trying to pull out. Oops…

Pulling out of her, he collapses down beside her, their bodies covered in sweat and still panting, she curls into his side. It feels like the most natural thing ever.

"Sorry about that, love"

"For what?" she didn't even realise?

"For…um. You might end up…." He's pointing at her stomach

"Oh… right…" that's it? She might end up with a child and that's her reaction?

He went to say something else but she just put her finger to his lips, it seems she doesn't want to talk anymore. It's the middle of the day but he doesn't really care, he decides to let the calming feel of her next to him lull him into sleep.

It's dark now and movement wakes him up, Emma just sat up in the bed and turned to face the wall. What's she doing?

A light starts glowing from her hand, a bright white glow in the dark room, it's happening again. Killian watches silently as she paints, a man with a wolf taking form on the wall. He can see it clearly as if they weren't shrouded in night, then he spots it, a person she is adding to the picture in the background... her.

Once she's finished she gasps covering her mouth, she knows him. A tear falls down her cheek and he pulls her close, she's going to lose someone else…


	6. exicutioner

**Authors note:**

 **I have a feeling this is gonna be a rather long fanfic…**

 **Disclaimer: I'd be a lot nicer to the characters if I did.**

Executioner

Emma is sitting on Killian's bed, knees tucked into her chest, frustrated. Killian won't let her come up. He's executing that murderer Vanguard and she's not allowed to watch as the bastard sinks to the depths of the sea and is torn apart by merrows or sharks. She has to wait here for him to return.

He's been so caring since realising that she was forced to paint someone she knew on the wall. Graham, the huntsman, her oldest friend, the boy she spent her childhood with and loved almost as family is going to die by magic's hand and she's going to witness it firsthand. But whose grief is she channelling? It can't be hers, it's never been hers.

She had met him in the forest one day surrounded by wolves, her mother was showing her tracking teaching her the forest and Emma had tracked prints to where he was sitting. They were both merely eight at the time but they bonded instantly, staying friends for years after. She still misses him, but why she would ever go back there is beyond her.

She had told Killian her idea about these 'visions' mentioning very little about her previous life apart from how she thought they were originally triggered, that a man she loved was killed and her grief and pain of the loss had started it. He held her close then, kissing her hair and murmuring comforts. He really cares and though she doesn't know why she is glad that he does. He's been comforting her in any way he can.

A knock sounds at the door and it opens.

"Captain? I mean… Emma?" it's Nathaniel, still not used to the fact she's not a captain anymore

"What is it Nathaniel?" she responds smiling, she's glad to see him, it's been days since they last spoke.

"Captain Jones said I had to come down below, I'm not allowed to watch… so I thought I'd keep you company"

"Of course kid, come, sit down. You want something to eat? Cake maybe? I could summon you some cake" she says jokily

"Bring the bastard onto deck!"

Killian is standing on the lower deck waiting for the monster Vanguard to be brought onto deck to pay for what he had done to Emma, causing her all this hurt. He's gonna suffer before he gets pushed into the murky depths below.

Emma is waiting for him below in his quarters, probably in a huff about not getting to watch the 'justice' Killian knows well that she will not it as that but as vengeance and he is protecting her from it.

Their surrounded by sea, not a speck of land in sight, no way to escape the inevitable end and going by the look on his face he had just realised that fact as he is being brought up the steps. He is brought before Killian and pushed to his knees.

"You think you can just kill me and no one will notice?" he spits as he stares hard into Killian's eyes "you will be killed for this, pirate. You and that whore" at that Killian punches him hard breaking his nose, red blooms instantly from the fracture.

"So tell me what's your first name?" recomposing himself "Or would you rather die as sheriff arsehole Vanguard? Mermaid brunch Vanguard maybe? Wouldn't want the ocean to take you and not know your name."

Vanguard remained silent, staring defiantly at Killian. Mermaid brunch it is.

Pulling him up, Killian hauls him bodily to the port side of the ship, manhandling him onto the plank. There are eerie silhouettes underneath the water that defiantly don't look like sharks but they don't look like your average mermaid either.

"I don't get any last requests?" he says sarcastically but there's no mistaking the look of fear in his eyes or the in the tone he speaks, he's afraid, good.

Killian strikes his sword along the man's back, opening him up from neck to arse. It's not deep enough for it to kill him but it's definitely enough to pique the interest of whatever lies bellow.

"Fuck you all, you will all pay for this!" and at that Killian shoves him in, drowning out the rest of his curses. The water churns, rushing as if piranhas had filled the water and were eating his flesh but Killian knows better…

With the act of justice complete he heads below to check on Emma

Emma is sitting on the ground staring at the crokinole board, Nathaniel is sitting across from her doing the same, concentration written across his face, his dark hair sweeping messily across his forehead. His green eyes frustrated at his apparent inability to get his disks within the fifteen point mark, especially frustrated that that's all Emma's been doing, flicking them across the board and within the circle of pins. It amuses Emma that she's never played the game before and seems to be doing better than the 'professional' who'd apparently played the game for years. She could tell that was a fib.

They've been at it for twenty minutes, waiting for Killian to return from being the executioner that all pirate captains have to be. It's a brutal business being a pirate even more so being the captain and Emma is happy that she no longer has to take the strain it causes. She no longer has that weight on her shoulders.

"Emma?" Killian says followed by shouting from her and Nathaniel, she'd won another round. Her shout was celebration and his was exasperation.

"Hey" she says with a smile noticing him in the room, she's forgotten all about the business Killian was just attending to, she's just glad to see him.

"How are you feeling love?" still worried.

"I'm great… Kid don't you have some jobs to do?"

"Yeah I guess" he says dubiously, nodding to Killian as he leaves "Captain"

Killian looks back at Emma as he closes the door behind Nathaniel, a questioning look in his eyes.

She grabs his hand and pulls him toward her kissing him roughly. Her whole body is buzzing, she knew it would happen as soon as she was alone with Killian and she wanted it. He's pressing into her, backing them up until she's against the desk, the wood biting almost painfully into her lower back.

His hard length is pressed against her through his tight leather pants, his breathing ragged as they pull away for air. She doesn't know why she's doing this, why she wants him but she does and she isn't going to say no.

"Emma…. Love…. I need…." She knows exactly what he needs, she needs it too.

"I know" she breaths feeling the need between her legs

She starts working at his laces, his hand rubbing over the fabric between her legs, a lustful look in his eyes. The heat growing low, he wants her and just the idea is working its will making her slick between the legs.

She frees his length and palms it, moving her hand along it, he braces against the desk a hand on either side of her and head pressed on her shoulder. He moves back and kisses her deeply, he pulls back a bit further forcing her to stop her movements for a moment and starts working at the laces of her pants.

Once her breeches are down to her ankles he moves forward putting one hand between her legs once more, pushing a finger up into her making her moan. The sounds she makes drives him further, he grabs her hair and yanks a bit, spreading the heat even further coiling within her stomach.

Moving his hand from her hair he lifts her onto the desk, pushing everything off and she spreads her legs eagerly, she needs him in her, filling her.

"Gods your so…" he groans as he pushes in, obviously to lust driven to finish the sentence.

She writhes with pleasure under him as he surges in and out, his hands on her hips and head buried in her shoulder, eyes closed.

"I need you Killian…" she pants "I need you…"

His pace quickens and finally, she shudders, her release pouring through her, her eyes slamming shut. His pace slows and he groans audibly, two more thrusts and he stills, the pleasure rushing into him as well.

He moves pulling out of her with a groan of protest. He does his pants up and relaces them, while Emma does the opposite and undresses the rest of the way. Killian stares at her for a moment.

"You're just trying to kill me aren't ya'" he grins

At that she grins back climbs into bed turns her back to him and goes to sleep.

He went back to his quarters rather late, something about the creatures under the water irked him and gnawed at his thoughts. So now he lie there next to Emma unable to sleep, staring at the celling.

When she moves and huffs, still asleep, it draws his thoughts from troubling mer creatures to thoughts of Emma. She's broken hearted, even more so than he originally thought, she hides it really well. But not well enough, he saw it when they met but the loss of a dead lover was not something he considered.

He looks at her as she sleeps and sees, he does love her it just took its time to manifest in his heart.

Now instead of thoughts of lurking sea demons keeping him awake it's thoughts of whether or not she feels the same. Whether she is willing to move on from her first love and give him a chance or if she will reject him, still bound to anger and love for a dead man.

He kisses her forehead whispers a secret 'I love you' and finally drifts off to sleep.


	7. his choice

**Authors note:**

 **Been Assassin's creed fan-girling recently (oh the feels) expect possible reference and violence….. (Joking) maybe**

 **Disclaimer: it would be nice but no**

His choice

 _The flames surround her, yet darkness consumes her as if the fire is stealing away all other light. She tries to escape, running in the dark, the heat making her sweat. It's no use the flames will always find her, she thought she'd escaped it once but it found her in quick succession._

 _Emma stops, gives up on trying to escape and the flame reaches her once more._

 _Her surroundings have changed, she's back on the ship, her ship. Her crew are around her, lying on the ground, blank expressions on their once lively faces, soulless eyes staring at nothing. They're all dead, Aaron, Mark, Wallace, all dead, blood strewn across the deck around them. She falls to her knees and closes her eyes._

" _I hope your proud of yourself, dearie" a shrill taunting voice sounds out behind her. She knows that voice, heard stories of the man behind her, Rumpelstiltskin._

 _She hasn't turned she knows what will happen and the amount of the pain life has given her she welcomes it._

 _He shoves his hand into her chest through her back, she screams as he whispers "the saviour never got to be a saviour without the curse. But you're still powerful and I can't let you continue to live with this potential" he starts to pull…_

She wakes with a scream in her throat and fear in her heart. Killian is beside her, staring at her with wide blue eyes. He can't stop himself can he? He can't stop worrying, he hasn't stopped since the fire. She doesn't want him to stop she just wishes he'd hide it better.

"Love, are you ok? I've been trying to wake you for twenty minutes" he pulls her close "You were screaming and thrashing in your sleep"

"I'm fine" she tries to be convincing but fails

"No love, you're not. You've been through a lot and you may be able to hide it from everyone else, but not from me. Please talk to me"

She sits up and turns, her back against the wall, Killian turns as well and she starts with the dream. Telling him about a dream is easy, she can do that but she will never tell him of the life she left behind of who she was before becoming a pirate, as far as he will ever know she was just an ordinary person, not Princess Emma of Misthaven, not the future Queen of a kingdom.

"…and that's my life tied up in a ribbon"

"That's…. I'm so sorry darling, it must be…" _horrible._ He's staring out the window, the sun is coming up they talked the rest of the night away. "I think I should take you somewhere nice, maybe a nice town or a tropical island eh?" he looked back at her with hope in his eyes. He want to distract her, get her mind off of what has happened throughout the last three years.

"Ok… but there's a specific town we can't go anywhere near. Apart from that I'm happy anywhere" the town is the one closest to her castle and she doesn't want to go there.

"It's your choice lass."

"Surprize me? I can't think of anywhere"

"So it's my choice where I take you?"

"Yeah it's your choice"

Emma had shown him the exact town she didn't want to go to and he'd promised that wouldn't take them there, but staring at her now, seeing the sadness in her beautiful green eyes, he has a feeling that is the exact place they need to go.

She's staring over the ocean at a storm in the distance, he's sure it will pass before they reach it but she doesn't look so sure. She's tense, he can see in the way she's standing.

The crew bustle about their jobs as if she's not there and by her distant stare he thinks that to her they're the ones who aren't there. He loves her, he doesn't want to see her hurt anymore so he turns the helm to port gently, it's only a minor adjustment to go to that town and he thinks it might help. He thinks that maybe she has family there that she didn't tell him about earlier that morning, why else is that the only town she didn't want to go to. His mind is made up, he's taking her to that town whether she likes it or not, after all she said it was his choice.

Her look of worry is increasing, the storm is still directly ahead, as if it moved when they did and it looks like it's not easing up.

She hates storms, has since she was a little girl, even more so recently though, since she found out firsthand what's been hiding within them of late. She's not overly thrilled that they're headed straight toward one with no way around it. It stretches as far as the eye can see. _Well shit_

The waves are picking up, they're on the very edge of the storm and heading in. the waves getting taller as they move and the thunder growing louder. Just what she needed a bloody fucking storm, perfect fit for the mood she's been in. she's not gonna run down below though, she's helping, keeping the ship on a straight line course and making sure that no lightening hit the ship. She hasn't got high hopes for the outcome of the storm because as she has always said " _when shit hits the celling in a storm… you're pretty much fucked"_

She managed to avoid them since the first time she came across one, in the first few weeks as Captain. It had killed several members of her crew then especially due to the beasts lurking underneath. Gruesome creatures haunted the storms waiting for a moment to strike, a moment of weakness in the humans aboard the ship.

Killian has a tight grip on the helm, trying to keep the ship steady as it surges through the angry waves, and Nathaniel is below decks, she wouldn't know what to do if she ever lost him or Killian.

As they ride a wave down the sea becomes suddenly calm, they're in the eye of the storm, the temperature has increased and sheets of rain are falling behind them but not on them. They can still hear thunder all around but they're safe for the moment.

She looks down at the water to check if everything is still intact and her heart comes to a halt, all thoughts leave her head and she freezes as she looks upon the face staring back.

" _Were fucked, were completely and utterly fucked"_

Evil dark eyes surrounded by scaled greenish skin stares at Emma with bloodlust. It's long green tail silently swishes underneath the water, its pointed spine running down its back to the end causing fear but Emma will not remove her eyes from the creature below, as long as she can see it, they're safe. For now.

"Emma, darling are you alright?" he'd handed someone else the helm and is making his way over but halts when she puts her hand up.

She would have visibly blanched at the sight of the monster that's staring at her now, she knows that much, after all she knows the true danger of the seas.

People believe that sea serpents, sirens or krakens were the worst thing the ocean could spew up but no she knew better, she knew that merrows were the worst of them all.

Now one stares at her, ready to lunge, poised to kill but still it just sits there, it's waiting for others.

"Killian we need to get this ship moving now, I don't care what you have to do just get us back into the storm" she says still not taking her eyes off the demon.

"Emma?" he tries to step closer

"NO!" she shouts still not looking away "We have to get out of here now"

A crewman Jacobson screams and falls into the sea and at that she makes her mistake, she looks away. When she looks back the merrow is gone.

" _No, no, no… were fucked, were gonna get eaten by merrows and die. This is it, the shit has hit the celling and were in the middle of a bloody. Fucking. Storm"_

"We need to go now! Or else we will die here" she says turning back to him, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Emma what is it?"

"MERROWS!" she says as one of them jumps onto the railing and tears the man standing close by to shreds

"What the bloody hell is that!" he's never seen one before?

"A merrow" she says pulling her pistol from her belt and shooting the creature in the head. "We'll have to fight if we wanna survive this!"

They all spur into action at once, yelling this way and that, running about the ship, hoping they survive this ordeal.

Another merrow jumps aboard but Emma shoots it before it has the chance to grab another crewman. Then another she doesn't have time to refill the gun so she drops it and uses her magic. A burst of flame and another is dead then another, then another, she's holding them at bay while the crew works on getting them back into the storm.

The merrows won't follow them there, it's their only hope and what a slim hope it is. As Emma scorches another of the demons they are thrown into the rain once more and the attack halts, and the ship bucks and thrashes against the waves but at least the merrows are gone.

Now all there is, is to deal with the storm. _"Fuck_ " she thinks as they continue in.


	8. heal her

**Authors note:**

 **Could have been better I'll admit (suffering assassins creed feels here)**

 **Disclaimer: …. Well… nope**

Her heart

Emma sits at the desk drinking, watching the rise and fall of his hairy bare chest as he sleeps. He's exhausted after the ordeal with the merrows and had passed out once they had finally escaped the storm. She remembers the feeling, being the Captain is the most tiring job aboard the ship and fighting those creatures in the middle of a storm even more so,

They were fortunate enough to make it out of the storm alive, let alone without damage to the ship and they are even more fortunate that the merrows hadn't tried to follow.

They're sailing true to the place where Killian had wanted to take her, now all she has to do is wait and find out where it is, why does she get the feeling that she may not like where they're going? She had made him promise that he would not take her to the port she had indicated and he had told the truth when he said he wouldn't. So why also does she get feeling that, that is exactly where he's taking her?

She shoos the thoughts away with another gulp of the spicy rum in her glass. She doesn't want to think, not of her life before or of merrow or of anything really. She tried to sleep but her mind was racing, running on adrenaline and fear, and with no other option turned to drinking while Killian slept.

"Are you ok, love?" she looks up into a pair blue eyes staring at her. She didn't even notice he'd woken up.

"Couldn't sleep" she says as she puts down her glass and moves over to him.

"Those creatures?" he implores with worried features as she sits next to him.

"Yeah. They've haunted my dreams for a couple years now"

He pulls her into him and presses a kiss to her hair. He's so comforting, holding her, kissing her, he's giving her the strength she needs to keep going, to not just break down from the losses life's caused.

"Shouldn't be less than a day until we reach our destination. Then we can enjoy ourselves, hmmm? Forget about those demons."

She leans her head against his shoulder and nods. She will never say that she will never forget the creatures, they cause too much fear in her heart for her to ever forget but she won't mention it.

He puts his fingers under her chin, turns her head and kisses her deeply as if reacting to what she was thinking. A heat starts low in her stomach that chases her thoughts away. Yep she prefers this much more than the stuff that's been troubling her since the storm.

She moves around and straddles his hips, nipping at his lower lip as she does it. His hands are now roaming her back pressing her into him, squeezing her arse making her wet between the thighs as she rocks slowly in his lap.

She's wearing a simple night dress which he slides easily over her hair and throws to the ground. He nuzzles at her neck as she grabs what she needs, lining herself onto him, moaning as he enters her heat.

She needed something to draw her thoughts away and what is there that's better than this? Moving up and down with him inside her, warmth spreading through her core as her nips and sucks at her neck.

Ragged breathes fill the air as she picks up the pace and he falls back onto the bed, thrusting his hips upward to meet hers. They're moaning and cursing as she draws this out as long as she can, moving to satisfy a hungry lust deep inside.

"Fuck… Emma…" he moans.

She loves seeing him this way, at her mercy. They may have only met a few weeks ago but she's really glad they did. She moves quicker, bare skin covered in sweat slapping against each other, his hands on her hips, fingers pressing into her skin.

"Killian… I'm so close…" she moans as she leans forward to kiss him.

"Let go love… go over the edge"

She finally reaches her climax, spilling over the edge with a curse and with a few quick thrusts upward he reaches it too, cursing loudly and breathing heavily.

She rolls off of him, they turn so their heads are on the pillows and she closes her eyes. After a few minutes the feel of him stroking her hair finally sends her off to sleep.

She's gonna be so pissed when she wakes up, Killian thinks as he looks over the maps. They're about six hours from the port he believes to be her home town. Six hours until he can reunite her with her family and find a way to heal her broken heart

From what she's told him he's come to the conclusion that she holds some sort of resentment against them, what reason she would have to be this mad at her own family he has no idea, he also doesn't care, he believes any family she has is the answer to helping her. Any animosity she has is going to be tricky to deal with but it won't stop him from doing this

His love for her is making him risk her hating him just to stop her heart ache. He still sees the pain in her eyes, no matter how hard she tries to hide it. He needs to fix it and going into her past is the piece he's choosing to start with.

"Hey" she says with a tired smile

"Hey, love" he says rolling the maps back up and moving over to her…

They spent hours in his quarters, the time they arrive getting closer and closer, The worry that she is gonna take his idea very bad, worsening as the time goes. What's the worst that could happen? _Well she could incinerate him in a fit of rage…_

He's spent the last few hours acting as if he isn't about to take her to the one place she told him never to go.

Now he stands at the helm with her by his side as the port comes into view. She hasn't noticed where they are yet but it's only a matter of time.

Her fears were right, she recognised it as soon as they docked, the flags, the buildings, the guards that are now trying to arrest them. She's gonna kill him when they get out of this.

 _What's the smartest thing to do right now? How are they gonna get out of this? She needs to keep Nathaniel safe._

The thoughts are running through her head as she fights two knights at once, parrying and slicing, all while keeping the kid behind her. Killian is a few feet away his own pair of knights trying to subdue him. There's too many of them. She decides the safest way out.

"Nathaniel don't fight them… I surrender" she keeps her sword in her hand until the two guards back off a bit

"Emma no!"

She decides at that moment to knock him out. She may be mad at him now but she doesn't want him to die because of his overprotectiveness. She uses a sleeping spell on him and he passes out instantly. She drops her sword and puts her hands above her head.

The next thing she sees is the pommel of a sword fly toward her face and knock her out.

Her eyes snap open and she sits up in a bed. Where is she? Oh… the castle dungeons… great.

The kid is in the same cell as her, Killian is in the one next to hers and the rest of the crew are scattered around the cells.

"Why'd you do it?" Killian says standing and grabbing the bars, he looks pissed, that's rich.

"Could ask the same of you" she says rubbing her head.

"I thought… I thought your family was in this town… that maybe they could help mend some of the hurt in your heart" he says looking down

"They are" he looks up surprised "but the other reason I told you not to come here is they arrest pirates on sight here"

"They're here?"

"Yes but you still shouldn't have brought us here"

Then the dungeon door swings open

"So I hear a bunch of pirates…." The voice stops abruptly as soon as the owner of it lies his eyes on Emma.

"Emma… h… how…" her father now stands at the door of her cell staring at her, eyes wide, jaw dropped. What a joyful reunion this is gonna be.

"Hello… father…"


	9. shameful reunions

**Authors note:**

 **My first writers block kept me from doing this (Assassin's creeds fault (book and game)) but no matter. This one'll be better, I hope :D**

 **Disclaimer: *cries***

Shameful reunions

Wait what?

Father? Her father is the king of this realm?

Killian is shocked beyond words, he stands in the cell next to hers with no idea how to process the information. He can't believe it, never in the time since he met her had he ever thought that she was anything more than I pirate. A princess joining a crew of rapscallions, scoundrels, it was unheard of, impossible and yet apparently she had done it.

Emma is just standing there staring at the king with a mix of sadness, anger and shame written across her face and he's staring back with pure shock with a hint of fear. The look on his face says he thought she was dead, which is entirely possible. She could have faked her death to get away, but why?

"Guard get me the keys to this cell" the king is going to release her. No doubt he plans to leave the rest of them there

"Sir?" the guard is dubious does he not recognise her

"Give me the keys, Lee"

The guard, Lee apparently, scrambles over and hand him the key. He looks relatively young no wonder he doesn't know her. The cell door swings open and the king steps in, a smile on his face but it falters when Emma steps away from him and grabs Nathaniel's hand.

"Emma please" the king, her father is pleading for her but she's having none of it.

Killian is still staring between the bars, wondering how to process that the woman he has fallen in love with is a pirate princess.

"Just talk to me Emma, please sweetheart" Killian watches as her anger seems to falter at his words. It's working, his plan to reunite her with her family is working, even though that family just happens to be royalty.

"You want to talk?" he nods "Let everyone go and we can talk"

"But they're pirates"

"So. Am. I"

"Ok" _just like that?_ Killian thinks. _It can't be that easy_

The king summons Lee again and asks him to open all the cells containing the crew. It takes a few minutes but all the cells are opened and the crew are streaming out. Emma is keeping Nathaniel by her side but Killian isn't sure she will allow him to stay with her as well. He's worried she hates him now.

"You coming Killian?" she says walking up the steps, Nathaniel's hand still clasped in hers. Well that answers that question. He nods, not trusting his words and follows.

This room is a lot nicer than the dungeon, he thinks as they enter the room. It has great flowing blue curtains and gold leaf covered furniture, a bunch of books and an unlit fire place. The room is cold even colder than the dungeons if that's even possible and Emma seems to have noticed as well, she lets go of Nathaniel's hand and a ball of fire bursts to life in her hand before she throws it at the fireplace, warming the room almost instantly.

"I'll go get your mother. Please wait here" it was both a plea and a request, pleading that Emma stay there and requesting that Killian and Nathaniel do the same.

What was she thinking agreeing to those terms? She could just disappear now, take Killian and Nathaniel with her, she doesn't have to be standing in this room by the fire, she doesn't have to talk to her parents but a part of her wants to, needs to, she didn't even realise it until she saw her father.

She found herself remembering her sixteenth birthday ball when she looked in her father's eyes and saw only love. Dancing with him or Baelfire with not a care in the world accepting her love for them.

Even the bond with her father has faded over time, when she looked at her father through the bars of the cell she didn't see the same adoration she once had.

"Emma?" Snow White, her mother gasps at the sight and Emma feels suddenly nervous, looking into the eyes of her mother whom she hadn't seen in three years.

Her breath hitches as Snow rushes over and pulls her into a hug, she wasn't expecting it, she was expecting a similar reaction as her father and for this very moments she finds herself glad to be home.

Her mother is crying, tears are welling up in her own eyes as they just stand there by the fire. Killian watches silently as he had in the cells and her father stands off at the side, she can see a slightly sad look on his face, he's reacting completely different to her mother. It's as if he knows something she doesn't.

"Mum, I've missed you" she didn't even know it until now, looking into her mother's eyes. She wasn't aware of just how much she missed them until now.

"Oh sweetheart, we've missed you too" Snow is smiling so happily at Emma as if the time away meant nothing. It irks her a little but she understands, of course they don't see Baelfire's death as their fault, but Emma still finds herself blaming them even if she's glad to see them.

"We should have lunch together, hmmm? Emma? Your friends are welcome as well" she's acting as if they aren't even pirates or criminals, it's as if she doesn't even know how they got back.

"Yeah we should. Where's grandma?" at the mention of Regina Snows face fell, a sadness replacing the joy, a pain replacing a happy reunion. "Mom? Dad? Where's grandma?"

"I'm afraid she was… murdered by the dark one. We think it was vengeance for not casting the curse" her father stepped in "Killed Robin as well"

"What?" another person she cares about dead. What is wrong with this world that it chooses to kill the people she loves?

She runs out of the room leaving her parents, Killian and Nathaniel behind. She needs some air.

What is wrong with the world?

Why does it do this to the woman he loves?

Why is it so set out on destroying everything good in her by taking it away life by life?

He knew not to follow her, knew she needed time but he wants to hold her, shield her away from this cruel, cruel world so determined to hurt. Maybe bringing her back wasn't the best plan, she would never have found out if it hadn't been for him.

Killian had decided to go for a short walk, Emma's parents said he could and when they left he went wanting to see the castle, the place where his love grew up. He's still having difficulties in wrapping his head around it. Maybe some fresh air will do some good.

He's found his way to a terrace, a largely open space with an apple in the centre, a circle of white pillars and railing surrounding it.

He hears them before he sees them, by the railing is Emma and her father staring out over the forest, arguing. Why is he arguing with her shouldn't he be happy she's back?

As the argument take a turn and gets a little louder, Killian make a spilt second decision, instead of letting them know he's there he decides to hide behind a pillar and find out what they're arguing about.

"Emma you can't really be trying to justify what you've done." The king says, brow furrowed and anger in his tone, just on the edge of turning into yelling.

"You really expect me not too. Grandmother Regina had done worse than I have and you gave her a second chance. I'm your own daughter and you're not gonna do the same for me?"

"I'm not saying that. It's just…"

"Just, what exactly? Afraid that mother will find out? That's it is it not? You never told mother what I've done, and you're not gonna accept me back, by chance that she might find out, that her heart may be broken"

"Emma, I… that's not what I'm saying. I'm just asking that while you're here, to dress like a princess instead of a pirate for now" a dress change? That's what started this argument?

"To hide what I've become?" Emma's tone is still sharp, defensive but the king's tone has softened.

"To make your mother happy, and maybe you can get some more decent clothes for your friends as well?" _Decent clothes? Not a bloody chance in hell._

"Fine, I'll talk to them about it but I don't think Killian will accept, he's rather fond of his leather"

"Good, good. Please talk to them before lunch"

"Of course" she moves to walk away but with one final thing to say she turns back once more "by the way, it's good to see you again" they smile at each other and she walks away, past Killian and into the castle none the wiser for his eves dropping.

Killian walks away, confusion clouding his mind.

That whole argument started over a dress. Killian shakes his head and continues into the castle.

 **I have a feeling the eves dropping part was inspired by Assassin's creed…..**

 **Reviews? Please?**


	10. a bit o' the future

**Authors note:**

 **Saw the dark swan teaser, it gave me the chills as I'm sure it did everyone else, I mean holy shit… well here's chapter ten**

 **Disclaimer: would be wonderful but no.**

A bit o' the future

 _Well this is interesting_ Killian thinks as he sips on his wine listening to what is unfurling before him.

Emma looks beyond shocked, her eyes are wide and confused. The wheels in her mind are turning he can see she obviously has no idea how to process this news.

She has a younger brother, almost three from what they're saying. Apparently born a few months after Emma left. And she doesn't seem quite capable of processing it, sitting there staring at them with her mouth wide and her eyebrows raised.

They are all sitting at lunch and none are eating but Nathaniel, too caught up in food to be paying any mind to what else is happening.

Killian is watching Emma closely, letting his eyes drift over her. The green velvet dress highlighting each of her curves, fitting perfectly over her chest and waist hugging her form. The dark fabric igniting the green that is her eyes and making her hair glow in golden light. He still sticks by his belief that she is a siren sent to enchant him and drag him to his death and being unable to look away from her now, he believes it even more.

He and Nathaniel have changed as well, he may not have wanted to but once he caught up with her he decided that it would be best to please her parents. He hadn't expected it but when he agreed to changing, instead of looking for new clothes she merely used her magic and he was changed in an instant. Gone was the black leather he loved so much and there was an outfit befitting a prince left in its wake.

Emma still hasn't come out of the shocked trance the news of her brother had put her in. So gently he puts his wine glass down and reaches out putting his right hand over her left, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. She finally snaps out of it and looks at him the surprise disappearing, her eyes softening as she looks into his eyes and a small smile spreading across her pink lips.

He hopes that she feels the same because he's fallen for her and it would hurt like a bitch if she didn't feel the same.

Her parents are staring intently, waiting for her to finally react to the fact she has a brother, their expressions change when they see the way Emma is looking at Killian.

"Well I guess I'll have to meet him wont I" she says looking away to her parents and smiling "What's his name?"

"Neal" her parents said in unison, causing them to break out in a fit of giggles

 _Yeah, very interesting._ Killian thinks once more as the conversation turns into a more normal amicable tone. Talking about this and that.

He didn't really care for what they were saying though. All his attention was on Emma and his hope that his love for her was not one sided.

A brother? Really?

Well at least there is another heir to the throne, she won't have to become the queen if she doesn't want to.

She didn't want a brother though, even when she ran away she wanted to stay an only child and be her parents one and only treasured child but she also kinda wanted them to suffer knowing they lost their precious daughter, Being back home she doesn't want that anymore and she also understands why she shouldn't. She understands that it was inevitable, having a brother, whether she left or not it would have happened.

But she should have seen it coming, that they could have moved on believing she would never come back.

Looking at her brother now her heart melts, she doesn't want to hate her brother for being her brother even if she never wanted one.

The toddler is staring at her with questioning eyes, sitting on his mother's hip with his tiny arms around her neck.

"Hey, there" Emma smiles, her brothers a cutie she'll give him that.

"Who oo?" he asks with an innocent look on his face.

"Neal dear this is your sister, Emma" Snow steps in.

"Sister?" he looks at her confused but happy.

"Yeah, I'm your sister kid" she says her heart sinking a bit. They didn't tell him he had a sister, he may only be little but still.

"It nice to meet oo 'mma" he says with a yawn and a smile "mamma I tired"

"Okay sweetheart" she says putting him in his crib and kissing him on the forehead

As soon as Neal was asleep they wandered out of the room, Emma's dress swishing as they wander to the terrace. It was just her and Snow, her father had other important things to do.

She was gonna ask why they hadn't told her brother she existed but it died on her lips, it may have hurt but she realised why, he wouldn't have understood.

"So tell me what have you been doing the last three years?" Snow asks as they sit. "Going on adventures no doubt?"

"Yeah, grand adventures. After… I needed to get away so I got on a ship and sailed the world" she says with a rueful smile, holding back the things she had done on said adventures.

"I am sorry, my dear Emma. To have lost him like that must've hurt… But you had to have known we were here for you. Like always"

"I know, it just…. It just hurt too much to return. You can thank Killian for my being back now, he ah…. He saved me from myself, I owe him everything"

"You and him, is there… something between you two?" she asks gently, smoothing a hair off Emma's face.

"Maybe… I don't know. How we met wasn't exactly ideal, in a disreputable tavern…" she left out the violent ending to that meeting.

"Hmmm, well your father and I didn't meet under nice circumstances either. But the way he looks at you, I may have only met him today but I saw it, he cares"

"I know… I just don't think I'm ready, what if what happened to Baelfire happens to Killian as well?" she says stifling a sob "I can't go through that again"

"Oh Emma, you can't think like that, you should have hope and contrary to what some people think it is possible to love again" Snow pulls Emma into a crushing hug when she lets out another sob "promise me you'll try to have hope again"

"Ok mamma, I promise I'll have hope again, I won't let fear stop me"

After that the conversation turned to more pleasant things, reminiscing about years past, oh how she misses it. The years when she was happy, when she had nothing but love in her life and no pain in her heart.

She finds herself thinking of Killian as they talked and a feeling deep in her heart shone brightly the more her thoughts progressed and deep down she sees, that maybe she does love him after all.

She excuses herself after a short while when she finally decides to go find Killian. She wanders toward the library first.

Killian is sitting in the library, reading a book about magic or something, he's not really paying attention the words. He's too busy thinking about Emma, he hadn't seen her since lunch which was almost three hours ago.

She had wandered off with her mother and he had gone to the library and picked up pretty much the first book he saw.

"Killian?" he looks up from his book with smile. Emma.

"Over here love" he is sitting in a section behind some shelves, it's not possible to see behind it from the doorway. He drops his book on the table next him and stands.

"Hey, I had a feeling you were in here" she says rounding the corner, a wide smile on her face.

"Came looking for me eh love? Can't get enough of me?" he says smirking and stepping closer to her, putting his hands on her hips

"No. I wanted to talk"

"I find when a woman says that I'm rarely in for a pleasant conversation"

"Well if it doesn't end how I hope it will than it probably won't be" the way she said that got his attention

"What is it love?" His brow is furrowing and his heart is speeding up. His hands are still planted on her hips, the velvet dress smooth under his palms.

"I…um…" she's looking at her hands on his chest rather than in his eyes, it seem to be difficult for her to say what she wanted to.

"What?" he pulls her a bit closer hoping she is going to say what he thinks she is.

She looks up at him imploringly, having a hard time finding the words she wants. She looks as if she's trying to find a way around the one word he wants to hear, as if she's saying it with her eyes because she can't with her mouth.

He decides that she doesn't need to say it yet, he can wait till she's ready. He presses a kiss to her lip expressing that he understands, that he knows what she can't say. He pulls out for air the kiss deepened and he needed to breathe, he put his forehead against hers and decides that even though she can't say it out loud, he can.

"I love you too"

She smiles at his words, and he wipe away a tear that's streaming down her cheek.

She kisses him again and threads her fingers through his hair. This is just a mere piece of the future to come.


	11. life of sorts

**Author's note:**

 **The updates are unfortunately gonna slow down after this one, maybe one or two a week.**

 **Disclaimer:**

Life of sorts

It's been two weeks since Emma tried to profess her feelings for Killian. She felt so ashamed that she couldn't say what she was feeling, that she didn't have the bravery to tell him. But she was also relieved that even though she couldn't say it, he understood.

They've spent a lot of time together since, stealing kisses here and there, going on walks around the palace and sleeping closely through the cold nights, his body pressed to her back in the oversized bed.

Her room is exactly as she remembered it, everything where she left it, not a single thing out of place.

A cold breeze is drifting through an open window, slinking past even Killian's warm embrace, making a chill run down her spine and freezing her feet to the touch. Unfortunately she can't close the window with magic for fear of shattering the ice brittle glass in its frame, she'll have to get out of bed.

She's working up the courage to leave the cosy warmth of the bed to close the troublesome window, she doesn't want to though, nobody likes to leave warm cosiness for ice cold torcher.

She stretches out to prepare herself and brushes her ice feet against Killian's leg. He stirs and inhales sharply, waking up from the sudden press of cold.

"Bloody hell love, your feet are freezing" he pulls her closer, wrapping his arms around her holding her in place.

"I know. Which is why I was gonna go close the window"

"There's a window open?" he says sleepily.

"Yeah and if you let me go for a moment I can close it and maybe light the fire"

"Mmhmm" he mumbles releasing her and falling back to sleep.

She gets up and makes a dash for the window, shutting it and locking it in place and with a burst of flame lights the fireplace almost instantly warming the whole room.

Killian has fallen back to sleep and as she steps toward the bed an envelope catches her eye, it wasn't there when Killian and her went to sleep. Written on it is _Captain Emma Swan_. She sits and opens it, peeling away at the wax seal and reading the words.

 _Miss Swan_

 _I've been looking for you for a long time dearie and finally I find you back in your cosy little home wrapped in the arms of a pirate toy. I'm impressed though, avoiding me for three whole years, but I have a feeling you didn't even know I was chasing you, or you wouldn't have returned._

 _I sent that man to kill you all those years ago - I should have done it myself._

 _No matter, I'll just have to try again as soon as you're outside the walls of that shiny castle._

 _You're lucky I couldn't do it while you were sleeping. That little bit of magic surrounding the castle protecting all inside from harm, but you and your family can't stay in there forever._

 _Rumpelstiltskin_

The letter floats to the floor as she freeze at the words, her heart stuttering in her chest - a fear crawling up her spine. Rumplestiltskin wants her dead, and if he wants someone dead he usually gets it.

Killian stirs once more, missing her presence in the bed, his arm reaches out and pats the bed searching for her but she is too stunned to react. Rumplestiltskin sent that man, the man that killed her love. He unknowingly (going by the letter) had his own son killed just to kill her.

"Love?"

Killian sits up behind her and reaches out, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Emma?" But she can't move, her eyes are wide and her mind is racing. She's staring at nothing, just the empty space a head of her.

"Emma are you alright love" the bed dips beside her and his feet hit the floor, the letter crunching under his step. He pauses and bends to pick the letter up, his face growing more concerned as he reads it. She doesn't see it though, she can't see anything but darkness even with the fire illuminating the room, she felt his expression change.

Suddenly he too drops the paper, and reaches out, grabbing her hands and pulling her up into a crushing hug. Her senses return, the fog in her mind clearing with his silent reassurances and promises.

"I won't let that bastard hurt you Emma, no matter how hard he tries."

He kisses her hair and pulls her back into the bed, more promises on his lips. He pulls her close, holding her tightly and even with this new fear she surrenders herself the sleep.

Someone is trying to kill her and there is no way he's letting it happen, not the woman he loves, the woman who loves him even if she can't say it yet, he will do anything to protect her.

He's holding her close, standing behind her with his arms around her waist. There wasn't enough seats for Emma or him to sit so they're standing, their attention divided between multiple voices. They're listening to her parents prattle along about ways to solve this problem, the other people sitting around the table arguing ideas that all sound like nonsense.

"I say we lock him up, trap him like the first time" a rather angry looking dwarf pipes up.

"No, he'd never fall for that a second time" the Emma's father says shaking his head.

"What if we send him through a portal, to the land without magic?" Emma says next.

"That might be a good idea he'd have no power there and no way back either… but how would we get him there? Blue?" the King aims the question at a fairy floating above the table.

"I'm afraid the only way there is a magic bean and there are none left in this land. The last known magic bean was given to his son almost three centuries ago."

"Yeah and we saw how well that ended for him" the irritable dwarf says with a wave of his hand and Emma stiffens in his at his harsh words. Did Emma know him? She still hasn't said anything about the people she knows.

"Grumpy!" Snow white bites, the dwarf – Grumpy- lowers his head at the reprimand then looks at Emma.

"sorry, Emma"

What he had said hit Emma where it hurt and Killian could tell. The way Emma tensed, the looks on the faces around them, he felt the air thicken with unsaid words and it made him wonder, is the dark one's son the one she loved and lost. He hugs her a bit tighter and she sighs looking down at her feet, nodding silently at the dwarf's apology.

He won't let anything hurt her again, but for him to be able to find a way to protect her still pure heart he has to know her past, which she seems rather inclined not to share.

When they're alone he'll ask her and hope she is willing to share her past with the man who loves her.

The snow crunches under their feet as they walk, her arm linked with Killian's, holding him close. He's been quiet since she asked him to go for a walk with her but he's also been tense, looking this way and that.

"Killian he can't attack us here, were still within the barrier. Grandmother and I put it up together, it's as strong as it's always been and will stay that way." He softens at her words, the tension in his shoulders retreating and a sad smile curves on his lips.

"Sorry, love… I'm just worried, I… I don't want you to get hurt"

"Killian," she moves in front of him grabbing each of his hands in hers "I'm not gonna get hurt, were surrounded by a palace full of guards because you decided to bring me back here, and although I may not have agreed at the start, I'm glad you did."

"You knew his son didn't you" he says looking at his feet. Feeling apprehensive she nods, with all words escaping her "He was the man you were in love with before wasn't he?"

"Y-yes" with Killian around she usually doesn't feel as sad about the loss of her love but when she's talking about it hurts a little more

"What was his name?" his question sounds like curiosity and something else she can't quite place.

"Baelfire" his eyes widen a little and he looks at her with a furrowed brow.

"Baelfire?"

"Yeah, what? Did you know him or something?" she steps back a bit, her own brow furrowing.

"Aye, when he was a kid, about fourteen, in Neverland"

Neverland, now she remembers, she'd heard Baelfire mention it when they younger but she didn't remember when Killian had mentioned it some weeks or so ago.

"Well that's one hell of a coincidence" she jokes it off not wanting to continue the painful subject of Baelfire, but Killian seems to be more set in the conversation.

"How did he die?" does he want to remind her of the pain she's been in?

"You know that man Rumplestiltskin said he sent after me in the letter…" she looks down "he killed him when Baelfire tried to defend me"

"He had a hand in his own son's demise?" Killian sounds bemused by the thought, Rumplestiltskin unwittingly killing his own son.

"Yeah" she still feels sad, her heart aching, and Killian sensed it reaching out and pulling her into a tender kiss.

There they stand, kissing in the snow hoping the future could yield better than the past, her heart filled with new hope as the man she love holds her close.

When they break apart, she see someone in the distance behind him headed toward them, a wolf at his side. Graham. Her heart skips a beat for she remembers the image in Killian's quarters. The foresight of his death… And that new hope she had formed started to dissipate once more.


	12. the princess and the pirate

**Author's note:**

 **Not a very big chapter, writers block :/**

 **Disclaimer: not a single bit**

The princess and the pirate

Killian has felt nothing but apprehensive since the huntsman arrived a week ago. He thought he felt bad before now it's multiplied tenfold, knowing that any day could be the death of Emma's friend.

Killian watched as the old friends reunited, feeling a flair of jealousy when she pulled the man into a hug. He glanced at the wolf every few minutes, uneasy by its presence, it was in the image as well, its eyes unmistakable. They haven't told him, they didn't know how, that someday soon he could very well die, and with the dark one floating about it might just be him who kills him. Killian didn't care about him though, he only cares about Emma.

As Killian steps onto the Jolly he's greeted by his crew, all glad he's back on board. Little do they know he has no intention of going anywhere. He hasn't been back to the ship in over three weeks, to happy being at Emma's side to care, but he had to come back at some point. He's perfectly safe coming back though, Emma spread the spell over the ship.

"Captain!" Smee calls when he sees Killian walking to him. "We were gettin' antsy Cap'n, worried you were dead 'nd the like"

"Dead?" he laughs "don't think me so easily dispatched of mate"

"Where to now Cap'n" there's a hope in his eyes he will have no joy in dashing.

"Alas nowhere" the smile on Smee's face fell as well, the rest of the crew following suit

"Why... oh, the woman" realisation spreads across his face "Miss Swan is beautiful sir, but is she really worth it?"

"Careful, Smee!" Killian's temper is rising, he will not stand his crew questioning him "if you don't like it, if any of you don't like it feel free to leave but the ship is staying right here. We can't hurt each other so mutiny is out of the question, so you lads can either stay on the ship or piss off"

All eyes lowered and his tone brooked no argument. Three quarters of his crew started walking off the ship save the loyal few but it didn't matter to him, as long as he has his ship and Emma he doesn't care who stays.

"Sorry for questioning you Cap'n" Smee one of the few who stayed says as the last one steps off the ship.

"Never do it again, Smee or I'll keelhaul you myself"

He gives one finale glare at Smee and heads back to the gangway hoping to go find Emma, last time he saw of her was when she was being dragged off by her mother to get measurements for dresses, something about a ball for her return or whatnot.

Measurements, measurements, measurements. She's been here for hours, being draped in fabrics of all different colours. Silks and velvets hang throughout the large sunlit room, variations of greens and blue, she's standing atop a platform as the dress makers mill about around her seeming, hemming and more measuring.

Emma sighs, tired of standing in one spots as people she doesn't know paw at her with measuring ropes and fabric. This ball had better be fucking worth it.

Her mind's been a mess since Graham arrived across the snowy field a week ago, seeking shelter from the excess cold, she was both happy to see him and beyond terrified. She and Killian are the only ones who know about the future presented to her, neither of them have told anyone because she doesn't think it wise.

A knock at the door draws her from her thoughts and her personal maid went to answer it. She's known the girl for four years, her red hair flows over her shoulders unmistakably, as soon as she saw Claudia again she automatically recognised her

She can't see who it is from where she is but she has a feeling she knows exactly who it is.

"Claudia, is that Killian?" she says looking at the door.

"Yes mistress but…"

"Let him in please Claudia"

"But princess" Emma puts her hand up at her protest

"None of that Claudia, let him in" the girl nods reluctantly and opens the door further and Killian walks through the doorway, a smug look aimed at the girl as he passes.

"Hello love, having fun?"

"What do you think?" she huffs, still wrapped in layers of fabric for this blasted dress.

"Not enjoying being tied up for hours, lass?" he teases, sitting in a chair he pulled over.

She glares at him as the seamstresses continue to work. "You know I hate dresses Killian. I'd choose a pair 'o breeches and a shirt any day"

"Sorry love, wasn't aware you were this sensitive about it. What's the dress for anyway?"

"My 'returning ball'. As if a balls gonna stop that madman" she sighs "you gonna be by my side during it handsome? Or am I gonna have to take Nathaniel? Or Graham?" Killian looks up at her, jealousy spreading across his face and she grins, amused by the affect she knew that would have.

"My love," he says standing up "will you do me the honour of allowing me to be your escort to the ball"

"It would be a pleasure" she gently curtsies in her unfinished dress and beckons him forward onto the platform ignoring the protests of the seamstresses.

She pulls him against her and kisses him deeply, disregarding the others in the room, it was supposed to be a chaste kiss but deepened into deep passion.

"Hey Emma" they broke apart as Graham charges in paying no attention to etiquette. He freezes and stares as he see Emma and Killian pressed against each other.

"Bloody hell Graham, has being raised by wolves removed any ability to knock on a door" she screeches as Killian moves back to his seat.

"Sorry I wasn't aware you had company other than the maids"

"Doesn't matter whether I'm in the company of maids or of Killian, you knock"

"Sorry, but can we talk privately?"

"I'm afraid now's not the best time, later?"

"Of course, by the way your father was looking for you"

She sigh in anguish "of course he is" she whispers as she steps from the platform and moves behind the curtain to finally remove this blasted dress.

"I'll see you later Killian," she says walking out from behind the curtain "it seems I have to go speak with my father"

He nods kisses her and they go their separate ways she's got something to do.


	13. the heart of the hunter

**Authors note:**

 **Smut! Don't lie it's why you're all reading this ;)**

 **Disclaimer: alas not so fortunate**

The heart of the hunter

"Father, you wanted to talk to me?" she found her father in the library, as she walks in his eyes lift from the scroll he was studying, she can't see what it says but she has a feeling it's not good.

"Emma care to explain this?" he hands her the scroll and turns away walking to look out the window. She looks down at the scroll and her breath catches as she reads it.

 _King David_

 _I've found your daughter._

 _As you have asked I searched across the kingdoms for the past three years to find her and I finally did. She was in a town called Genador, one of the ports furthest from the kingdom. When I first saw her, she was in a tavern, I almost didn't recognise her - especially with the company she was keeping. Pirates._

 _She was accosted by the local sheriff and a fight broke out, this is when I recognised her, I saw the training I had given her in her swordsmanship. She defeated the man by slicing his hand off – I must say I was impressed – but alas her victory was short lived._

 _I found her again about two days later and I'm afraid she had allowed the darkness in. the pirate ship on the dock was ablaze – 'The Sirens Reach' – I believe. She was holding the sheriff in the air and I witnessed her throw two other men onto the ship and into the flames._

 _I hope I am wrong, that she hasn't succumbed to the darkness, but until I find her again I cannot be sure. She and the sheriff have been missing for a week now and I fear she has killed him as well…_

 _Your loyal servant_

 _Duncan Whetherall_

Duncan Whetherall, her oldest friend, the man who has been her protector since her sixth birthday, has been looking for her for three years. She missed him over the years but had no idea that he was looking for her. She never saw him there, never saw his curly hair and brown beard or deep grey eyes, not even once.

"I sent him a letter to tell him you've returned but I need to know, is the sheriff he mentioned dead?" his tone is unreadable, it's not anger, it sounds more like disappointment.

"Yes, but…"

"You killed him?" he interrupts turning to face her, fear and disappointment clouding his features.

"No" her heart is racing, she doesn't want her father to hate her.

"Then how pray tell did he die?"

"That murderer walked the plank and died for his crimes" anger is surging in Emma's heart, she will not be blamed for the death of a murderer.

"Murderer?" her father's face contorts into confusion the disappointed look disappearing with the turn of events.

"That bastard killed my crew, my family," She stifles a sob and continues "He almost killed me and Nathaniel as well. Killian put an end to his evil by dumping him in the middle of the ocean and going by what he told me, he was torn apart by merrows"

"Emma…" his face softens as he see the pain on her face

"I lost over eighty people that day, so don't you dare judge me for losing control" she drops the scroll on the table and turns to leave, pausing in the doorway "if you need me… don't"

She walks away leaving her father in the library and goes to find Killian.

She finds Killian in their room reading a book, when he hears her enter he looks up from the book and smiles broadly at her, placing it aside.

"Hello love," he gets up gives her a kiss "how was your chat with your father?"

She hooks her arms around his neck and presses her forehead against his "he was being an arse" she sighs "he got a letter about what happened in Genador, of course it left out what happened that caused the whole bloody event"

"Did you explain it to him, love?"

"Of course I did but I didn't stay long enough to see how he took it"

"Love…" he pulls her closer, his hands on her hips "don't push your parents away with everything that's going on"

"I won't"

She kisses him, moving one hand into his hair and the other down to the lapel of his leather jacket. He returns the kiss eagerly, pushing his tongue into her mouth, stoking a fire low in her stomach, an ache between her thighs.

She let go of him for a moment to lock the door, as she turns back to him, he crushes her against the door. His hands on her hips, his lips pushing against hers in a bruising kiss and his hips grinding into hers, seeking friction.

She starts pulling at the clasps of his vest, pushing it and his jacket to the ground, not removing her lips from his while she does it.

"God, you're gorgeous" he murmurs moving his lips to her neck, she gasps as he hoists a leg up around his waist "so beautiful"

"Killian… don't stop" she pants, her head lolling back as he marks her neck.

"So lovely in this dress love, my beautiful siren"

She works at the laces of her dress, the black velvet smooth on her skin as she unlaces it. He hasn't removed his hands, hasn't stopped touching her. He needs her almost as much as she needs him. Once the laces are free he slips the dress down her body, leaving it a pool of black velvet on the floor.

A shiver runs down her spine, the chilly air hitting the now exposed skin, clad only in a black lace undergarment that does nothing to protect from the cold. As Killian pulls his shirt over his head, she lights the fireplace with her magic and removes the finale layer on her body.

She grabs him and kisses him fiercely, undoing the laces on his leather pants, and cupping him through the leather making him hiss in pleasure before removing the troublesome clothing.

He growls when she grabs him, pumping slowly along his length, his eyes shut in ecstasy. She watches as his face contorts in pleasure. "Killian… I need you" he looks at her, his eyes dark with desire. He pushes her against the door again and lowers his hand between her legs, rubbing her clit with his palm while his fingers move between her slick folds.

"Bloody hell, you're dripping Emma" he groans rubbing harder making her mewl against the hard door. "Come for me love, I can't leave you unsatisfied now can I" he says darkly, pushing two fingers into her and moving them expertly inside her.

"Fuck" she moans, coming with an explosion of pleasure, but she knows it's not over yet.

Killian lifts her up, her legs wrapping around his waist, as he carries her to the bed. He deposits her in the middle of the bed and is on top of her in an instant, kissing her senseless. "Okay love?"

"Yes… more" she wriggles beneath him, eagerly awaiting the moment he fills her.

He bites his lip and lines himself up, sheathing himself in her wet heat in one motion. Moaning as he bottoms out, filling her completely.

They moan in unison as he starts to move, pulling out of her almost completely and pushing back in, setting a rhythm that will pleasure them both, hitting just the right spot. She digs her fingernails into his shoulders, leaving little half-moons on his skins, as he picks up the pace dragging his hard cock along her walls, building her up again.

"So tight love, almost there… gods you're amazing…" he moans rutting into her harder "come Emma… please."

"Killian…" she moans, the onslaught of pleasure coursing through her a second time. Killian follows her into bliss, a groan pouring from his lips as he spills himself inside her, coating her walls in his release. He slips out of her with a groan of protest, collapsing beside her.

They both fell asleep within minutes content to just stay there in each other's company.

A knock at the door wakes him from his deep sleep, groaning as it continues. Emma is still asleep unaffected by the noise but he is. He groans again as he pulls himself out of the bed, finding his pants in the mess and tying the laces lazily.

He unlocks and opens the door quietly and as soon as it's open he's greeted by the shocked face of the huntsman. Killian raises an eyebrow and steps out closing the door behind him.

"What do you want mate?" he asks, leaning against the door, still groggy from sleep.

"I thought this was Emma's room" he looks so confused and Killian has to stop himself from laughing at the man's predicament.

"It is. She's sleeping though so you might want to come back later" he smirks, he feels like he's one up'd the man in front of him, like he's won a war that was never declared

"Are you a-a-and she?" he stutters. Does he have feelings for her too? Is that why he feels so satisfied to see the shock on his face?

"Together? Aye" he rubs his hand over his scruff and continues "now if you'll excuse me, I was sleeping myself before you knocked. At least you knocked though eh?"

"I've loved her since I met her… and she'd chosen someone else… again…" he whispers sounding defeated. Ugh, please no, Killian doesn't want to deal with this.

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news mate, but she thinks of you more as a brother. Told me so herself" _soon after she painted your death scene._ He thought

Understanding he nods solemnly and wanders off. Now he sees how much he's won over the huntsman Killian kind of feels sorry for him… only a little bit though.

He retreats back into the room, greeted by Emma in her naked glory. She's getting dressed, grabbing her dress from the floor and placing it on the end of the bed.

"Who was that? I heard talking" she says grabbing a new dress from the wardrobe.

"Your friend, Graham. He wanted to talk to you but I asked him to come back later since you were asleep and all that" he scratches behind his ear as he says it, not entirely telling the truth

"okay." She sighs, putting another black velvet dress on, totally different from the other. He asked her why black, isn't that the colour they wear when in morning, she shrugged it off as the fact she liked black but he wasn't so sure. "You want to go for a walk? I know it's still snowing but I want to go outside"

"Of course love"

He helps her tie the laces of her dress, gets into his own clothes which she promptly changes with her magic into something warmer and they go for a walk, enjoying the crisp crunch of fresh snow under their feet.

He almost forgets that there is a danger lurking beyond the walls. Almost.

 **Reviews? Maybe?**


	14. dance of hearts beating love

**Author's note:**

 **Writer's block! So annoying. Also exams…**

 **I realise now that what I was doing to separate Killian and Emma's sections wasn't working… I'm not the most intelligent but I'll do a different thing from now on…**

 **Disclaimer: unfortunately not**

Dance of hearts beating love

The day of the ball, her welcome home. They finally got her dress finished, and now Claudia is helping her into it, three hours before the bloody ball even starts. Killian is somewhere else in the castle getting ready as well. They said he had to go change somewhere else as if they hadn't been sleeping together the whole time they've been there.

The dress of greens, blues and golds is getting tighter and Emma is fairs sure if it gets any tighter she's not so sure she's gonna be able to breath. God she hates dresses.

"Claudia, ease up a bit will you? I'm already having difficulties breathing" she says to the girl, staring at her reflection.

"A-apologies Princess, m-my mind is elsewhere tonight" she blushes, stammering out the words.

"And where might you're mind be, Claudia?" she giggles "A young man perhaps? The stable boy?"

Emma noticed a while ago that her maid was spending her free hours with the stable boy, Charles. They're the same age – nineteen- and it's really quite adorable that they thought no one would notice.

Claudia's blush deepens and she continues with the laces, avoiding the subject, and Emma laughs at the girls eccentricities, amused by her sudden shyness.

"I'm almost finished….. Done" she exclaims, tying off the laces.

"Perfect, now I can't breathe. God I hate dresses"

A knock sounds at the door and her father walks in, pausing to take in the dress she's wearing.

"You look beautiful Emma… I… can we talk?" he shifts on the spot from one foot to the other.

"Claudia you can leave now. I'm sure you had plans" she says with a wink and a nod. "What is it father?" she asks once the door closes behind Claudia.

"I'm sorry Emma. I… it's just, you've changed so much over the last three years and… knowing some of the things you've done, I've had trouble adjusting" he bows his head and stares at the floor "I don't want to lose you again though. Please forgive me"

"There's nothing to forgive you didn't do anything, it was me and I know I let the anger control me these days… It's not something I'm proud of, but papa I'm the one who needs forgiveness, I let the darkness in" she sighs

"It's okay Emma I forgive you, we all forgive you. I just keep forgetting you were in pain" he sighs and pulls her into a hug, kissing her hair and holding her tight. "I love you Emma"

"I love you too daddy" she bites back a sob, she's definitely not gonna cry.

"Well, I have to get ready for a certain ball eh?" he says lightening the mood "Gotta look like a king now and that's gonna take a while" he winks and disappears through the door.

Once he's gone she sits at her dresser looking into the mirror and staring at her reflection. The golden curls of her hair, the redness of her lips and the blue, green and gold swirls upon her dress and she smiles. Even with impending doom over their shoulders, she lets it go and let's herself be happy.

Was that really necessary. Making him change in a different room. Too late to argue now, he's dressed and waiting at the bottom of the stairs for Emma, his beautiful pirate princess. Killian hasn't seen her in three hours and he would be lying if he said that he wasn't excited.

He saw her draped in the prototype, the early stages of a beautiful dress, and she was irresistible then, what effect is the finished result going to have on him. His heart is racing at the thought of the woman he's fallen for, his beautiful swan, his enchanting siren in an equally stunning dress.

He feels like his whole life has turned into a big pile of shit, like he never had the pain of losing his brother and that he hasn't spent around three hundred years in pain. Just the mere thought of Emma is healing his once aching heart and he is never going to let that go, as long as he has her, he will never be in pain again. But with that comes the fear, that she is the next thing he's going to lose.

"You okay there, Jones?" he's snapped out of his thoughts and looks up to see Emma's father before him. A raised eyebrow and a frown on his face.

"Aye. Of course. I didn't think you cared Dave" he smirks looking up the stairs hoping Emma will show up soon, he really doesn't want an awkward conversation with the King.

He rolls his eyes and looks to the stairs that Snow and Emma will both be walking down. "She seems to care about you" he says in a low voice.

"It's because I was there when no one else would have been. I saved her from herself and I saved her from a monster and you know, falling in love tends to have that effect" he laughs

"A monster?" he says turning back to him with a raised eyebrow in question.

"Aye, sheriff Vanguard. He was most certainly a monster, he killed her crew, her friends, her… well. He hurt her and undoubtedly many others"

"You killed him?" _judgmental much_

"That surprise you?" he challenges with an eyebrow raised.

He doesn't get the chance to answer because Emma and Snow appear at the top of the stair case. Killian's breath catches when he sees Emma, she looks like an angel and her dress reminds him of the sea at sunset. The gold, the light on the green and blue waves as the sun dips below the horizon, she is beyond beautiful and if it's possible he finds himself falling just a little further for her.

"Hello love" he says as she reaches the bottom step "you look stunning, Swan"

"Thanks" she blushes, the fearsome pirate Emma swan blushes "you look as handsome as ever" she says with a wink, turning to greet her father.

She gives him a hug, then her mother and turns back to Killian, linking her arm with his and they walk to the ball room. It's filling with guests and Emma's parents have moved to the great doors to greet people, so they head over to get themselves a drink.

"It's not rum but it'll do" she says as he passes her a glass of white wine.

"Fond of rum are ya love?" he laughs and sips on his wine

"Yes actually" she grins and sips on her own

His smile fades as he sees the leers and stares from the men nearby and a flare of jealousy burst in his chest.

"I don't think I'm going to leave your side tonight if that's okay with you Swan" he says not looking back at her.

She laughs and he finally looks back seeing a wide smile and a sparkle in her eyes "you're jealous." She giggles "all because some other men are looking at me, that's adorable" she teases.

"I'm not jealous" she raises an eyebrow and smirks "why would I be jealous when you're mine"

"Ooh possessive, I like it" she quips placing her glass down and leaning up to his ear "you keep that up, it'll make tonight very interesting indeed"

"Is that so?" he bites back a groan, his pant suddenly very tight, she took the moment of closeness to touch him and now he's looking forward to the moment she's out of that dress.

She smirks and starts to wander off through the crowd and he follows her close behind.

She wasn't expecting him to be easy to make jealous but now that she knows, she might just have some fun with that. If someone asks her to dance, well… she isn't going to say no.

So far he's followed her throughout the ball, his eyes fixed purely on her, his hand on the small of her back. She wasn't lying when she said she liked his possessiveness, it's going to be the thing that make the ball that much more interesting, not to mention how he's going to act when they're alone in their room.

She's dragged from her thoughts when Graham walks up to her, a smile on his face but a sad look in his eye.

"Emma…" he bows "care to dance" she nods and turns to Killian, a grin of mischief playing on her lips and by the look on Killian's face, he just figured out what she meant by making the evening interesting. She winks at him taking Graham's hand and following him off to the dance floor

They move in time with the music, one hand on her waist the other in her hand and she's staring into her old friend's eyes, seeing something she doesn't want to be seeing.

"I was going to ask you if I could be your escort you know. But each time I was going to ask you were with him" he says giving her a wry smile.

"Graham…"

"It's fine Emma. I understand, it's just not meant to be"

All her thoughts of the night getting interesting are thrown out the window and guilt takes its place. Guilt over the fact she knows he's going to die, the fact that he's going to die knowing she can't love him back. She sees it in his eyes, he loves her and he's going to die without it being returned.

Yep there goes enjoying the evening, but unfortunately she can't leave. This is going to be a very long night…

 **I'm going to post the next chapter with the rest of the ball tomorrow, it just felt right ending the chapter there. Reviews will be appreciated. And I fixed the OOC Swan/ charming relationship (I have father issues which is the only reason I fucked it up) no matter, I mean what's a story without character development?**


	15. truth be told

**Author's note:**

 **Everyone knows what's gonna happen to Graham right? :P**

 **Disclaimer: I own a rat but not OUAT**

Truth be told

Her dance with the Graham didn't last very long, Nathaniel decided he want a dance and who was she to deny the person who is the closest thing she has to family apart from her actual family. Of course Nathaniel had absolutely no idea how to dance, two left feet, and he kept stepping on dresses. They laughed at the angry and flummoxed reactions of the other people dancing around them, the waltz is a simple step dance but it was hilarious to be teaching it to someone in the middle of a ball. Emma's mood has brightened once again because of Nathaniel.

She's spotted Killian too, when she was dancing with Graham he was staring with unveiled jealousy and as soon as she started dancing with Nathaniel he visually relaxed and Emma smiled at just how adorable it is. She loves him even if she can't say it yet, she feels that is she says it something bad is going to happen and she can't lose him too no matter what.

A yelp from a woman nearby pulls her from her thought and she laughs as she sees Nathaniel has practically stripped the woman of her dress by stepping on it. She looks over to Killian who's staring with a huge grin and an eyebrow raised, and he's not the only one, others have paused to see the show as the woman hastily pulls at her dress and races out of the ball room.

Many of the people in the room have gone silent but she bursts out laughing, the pirate in her far too amused to care if she gets judgmental stares, too amused to care if her parents feel embarrassed by how she's acting. The man the woman was dancing with shoots Emma a disdainful look as she wipes away the mirthful tears at her eyes.

"Aww come on that was funny" she says to the crowd giving her unimpressed looks as she walks back to Killian with Nathaniel in tow.

"It seems you caused quite the commotion there, love" he laughs.

"Hey! It was Nathaniel" she grins grabbing a drink off a passing tray

"True but you're the one who got their attention, Swan"

"What was that?" her mother screeches and they both flinch at the pitch

"It was an accident"

"Laughing at the poor girl wasn't" Emma looks back at Killian seeking assistance all he does is shake his head, his eyebrow raise and a smirk playing at his lips.

"Snow calm down" her father says walking up to them "she's been gone for a few years she's just… lost her manners and forgotten simple etiquette is all" he smiles

Emma grins back knowing full well that it's completely true, manners and etiquette have almost no place on a pirate ship. With her mother silenced with that, Killian offers his hand for a dance and she smiles at him taking his proffered hand, patting Nathaniel on the shoulder and moving back to the dance space with Killian at her side. What a wonderful night so far, should have known it wouldn't last forever…

Watching Emma laugh at the unfortunate happenings of the other woman made his heart swell with love, and knowing what she's been through, it's a miracle she can still laugh like that at all. To laugh like there's no weight on her shoulders, like there is nothing that can hurt her, as if nothing ever has, it takes a certain strength to laugh like that and getting to see it from the woman he loves, well… there's nothing better that knowing she own his heart.

As they dance, every so often she starts to giggle, picturing the whole event all over again. He can't stop smiling at her, his pirate princess, his swan love is the most beautiful person he's ever seen and right now he swears he can see her soul, into her bright pure heart. There is no way there is darkness there. No way at all.

They step together, their dance much more graceful than that of Nathaniel's. people are staring at them warily though, keeping their distance, some even left the dance space when they saw her walk up but seeing her in her ocean dress, her beauty radiating with the colours he realises he couldn't care less what other people think. At the moment everyone else is invisible and it's just the two of them.

"You enjoying yourself Swan?" he asks as they glide together, dancing with grace like a couple of… swans.

"Well dancing with you has made it even better… what about you?"

"Now that you're _not_ dancing with another man, it's much improved"

She doesn't say anything else just grins and winks, continuing the dance that they both seem to naturally know the steps to, almost as though they were always meant to be here together.

As he spins her gently they both realise that no one else is dancing, the music is still playing but they're all watching from the sidelines smiling as he pulls her back into step. She's blushing, a shy smile playing at her red lips, somehow laughing and getting everyone's attention didn't faze her but this most certainly has. Surely this isn't a common occurrence, it's not like he's been to many balls, but he's never even heard of this happening, where everyone stares on like owls, with wide eyes and… handkerchiefs?

His heart jumps a little when he realises that, they can all see it, the love he shares with Emma. They moved off the dance floor to allow love to have the whole space, for lovers to share a dance and their hearts. He can't help but smile, all humour and embarrassment are gone and nothing but love fills the room as their dance comes to an elegant end.

Everyone applauds and he grins at her and kisses her cheek, leaving her more flustered. They move off the dance floor and everyone continues with what they were doing as if it never happened, as if they weren't just having an emotional moment, so he shrugs off their reaction and files it under 'royalty' and continues following Emma.

The sun has long since set and some people are starting to drift off, speaking farewells as they enter carriages but one person seems to get Emma's attention, Graham. She wanders off toward his exit and Killian can't help but feel worried about her so he breaks of his conversation and follows closely behind.

She saw him leave in the complete opposite direction to the room he's been staying in, with his satchel, bow and knife attached firmly to him and she grew concerned and followed him out of the safety of the castle walls.

"Graham, wait… where are you going?" she yells, the distance between them still too far.

"I got restless. Decided to return to the wolves, I missed the forest" he lies pausing so she can catch up.

"I know the feeling to return to a place you feel at home and this is not it" she grabs his arm to stop him from moving further "you're lying to me Graham. Just talk to me" she pleads

"You must have been strong to resist it for three whole years" he says reflecting the subject onto her.

"I only started feeling it when I returned…" she sighs "you're avoiding my question Graham. Why are you leaving?"

"Because… I don't want to watch you and him together, knowing that this is the second time you've chosen someone else over me…" he pulls from her grasp and continues walking, the thin layer of snow crunching under his feet.

"I'm sorry Graham…"

"I don't want apologies Emma" he interrupts without looking back.

"But… it's all I can give you…" she murmurs picking up her skirts and chasing after him "Graham, it's dangerous out here. If we keep going we'll hit the edge of the barrier"

He doesn't listen just continues walking, staring straight ahead as he goes. She turns her head quickly to see how far they've gotten and sees Killian following at a distance.

"Graham you're being childish"

"Am I?" he snaps "is it really childish to feel hurt that the woman I have feelings for has constantly chosen anyone but me?" he hasn't stopped walking and her heart is racing the closer they get to the edge of the barrier.

"Graham…"

"No Emma I can't keep fooling myself. It hurts too much to stay now"

As soon as he steps over the line she feels it and then she sees him, materialised in front of Graham as soon as he stepped over, Rumplestiltskin. He drives his hand into Graham's chest and cackles as he screams.

"Graham!" she screams as she sees his heart pulled from his chest…

 **Reviews would be much appreciated ;)**


	16. the sight of a monster

**Author's note:**

 **This'll probably be about 25 chapters long but I'm not sure. It's not like I have control over the story I'm just alone for the ride :)**

 **Disclaimer: noooppe**

The sight of a monster

She's frozen, she can hear Graham's screams, hear Killian calling her name but she can't move. She's frozen and she's watching as Graham crumples to the ground in pain, but she can't help, can't summon magic, can't move and she doesn't feel anything, she's numb.

The dark one laughs, an evil cackle piercing the darkness that surrounds them, as she drops to the ground.

"I said you couldn't stay in that castle forever, dearie" he taunts dusting the ash that was Graham's heart off his hands. "You should have left the castle, would have saved you all this pain"

She doesn't say anything, just stares at Graham's lifeless body on the ground, not moving when Killian tries to get her up. Killian is shouting, begging her to get up.

"I think she's traumatised" Rumplestiltskin laughs "too many deaths for the pirate-saviour eh?"

"You may have magic crocodile but you're a coward" Killian shouts lifting her with one arm under her knees the other on her back, her dress pouring around his arms.

"Oh but I'll still get what I want" he calls "it's just a matter of time"

"It's okay Emma, you're safe. I won't let that crocodile hurt you" Killian mumbles as he carries her back to the castle, whispering other reassurances that aren't helping at all. She's not sure anything can help, there's no way it can… unless.

She remembers a day, soon after Baelfire's death, that she woke up with a forgetting potion in her hand and the ingredients strewn across the desk of her quarters. Of course she can't remember why she took the potion, it obviously wasn't to forget Baelfire, because she remembers him. It was something else.

The point is she could forget the pain that has been caused to her. No she will not forget, she will remember and bring justice for the live that monster has taken. An anger starts to boil at the back of her mind and she's going to let it…

/././././././././././././././././

/././././././././././././././././

He watched it happen. The Crocodile crushing the heart of the huntsman. He couldn't do anything to stop it, all he could do was get Emma away from there. But she couldn't respond, she was frozen in place staring at her friend's body.

Killian begged her to move, tried to pull her up, but it seemed the death of Graham was what broke his brave pirate princess. Damn that crocodile. She didn't say anything the whole way back to the castle, didn't even cry, and that worries him even more.

Her parents are fussing over her as he places her on the settee in the sitting room. He holds her close as he sits beside her and explains to her parents what happened. That Graham was murdered, that Emma and he witnessed the whole thing. Snow is crying as he finishes the story and her husband has pulled her in tight, tears prickling his own eyes.

Killian knows that it's not just Graham's death that's effecting Emma but the fact that their last words to each other- from what he heard- was an argument. That his last words were of heartache.

He's pulled from his thoughts when a man bursts in, stopping when he sees Emma. The man frowns through his beard as he pulls his tricorn from his head.

"Emma?" he says carefully. She looks up and inhales sharply staring into the silver eyes of the man at the door.

The whole time he's been there, Killian hasn't once seen this man, but he obviously knows Emma. She gets up and walks over to the man, throwing her arms around his waist, and Killian couldn't be more confused. Obviously they're close but she hasn't mentioned him this whole time. Her father doesn't seem surprised though, just nods in the direction of the man and continues consoling snow.

"I've spent the last three years looking for you Emma. I found you in Genador of all places then you disappear. Then, I get a letter that says you returned home" the man says holding Emma close "what happened?"

"it's a long story Duncan" she says pulling away "but right now I can't…" she sighs "Killian can we go back to our room I don't want to be alone" at least she's talking.

"Of course love" he gets up and walks to her. The man tensed at her words, specifically the 'our room' part. Killian takes a mental note to ask her later about the man as he takes Emma's hand. They leave Duncan and Emma's parents in the room and he keeps his hand firmly in hers, silently telling her that he'll never leave her.

/./././././././././././././././

/././././././././././././././././././

She's sitting on the bed staring at the painting covered wall. She's done one nearly every night and Killian has sat up with her watching as she's been forced to depict other people's pain. She's kept them fairly well hidden from everyone else in the castle. Apart from Killian, the only other person who knows about them is Claudia but she hasn't asked about them.

"You have a question Killian, ask it" she sighs

"Who was that man earlier? Duncan?"

"He was my old body guard. Been protecting me since I was six until the day I left" she faces him "the first time he ever left my side outside the grounds, Baelfire ended up dead"

"Well he still seems rather protective of you and I only saw him for five minutes" he laughs dryly "can you tell me?" he looks at her with uncertainty as she nods.

She tells of the broken curly haired man she met on her sixth birthday, how he lost his daughter five weeks before they met. She told him of times where her parents couldn't be with her so Duncan was, they ran around the gardens and laughed. The days they spent together with him teaching her to ride or sword fight, how he treated her almost like a daughter. She realised later that, that's exactly what he was doing, that she was like a daughter to him. That he was protecting her because he couldn't protect his daughter.

"That explains the look he gave me when you said 'our room'" he chuckles "his fatherly over protectiveness kicked in"

"Yeah I suppose it did" she frowns, thinking "there's something I remembered earlier I want to tell you about"

"Go ahead love" uncertainty flickers across his face.

"I remembered a day soon after Baelfire's death when I woke up with a forgetting potion in my hand"

"Why did you have it?"

"It was a forgetting potion Killian" she laughs "I don't remember"

She finds it strange that her laugh was genuine even after all that's gone on, that she is still capable of smiling after a new batch of heartache. It shouldn't be possible, she should be completely shut down, like she was just an hour ago. She supposes it's just Killian's soothing and constant presence that's holding her together.

"True…" he raises an eyebrow "are you okay Swan?"

"I'm fine Killian, just… tired after the ball and… I'm just tired"

"Then you should get some sleep love, I'll be right here" he smiles softly

"Goodnight Killian" she smiles

"Goodnight love"

He puts out the candle beside the bed, plunging the room in darkness and sighs, pulling her close again and settles under the blankets. She drifts off to sleep within seconds and the stress of the day's events drift from her mind.

/./././././././././././././.

./././././././././././././.

He's beyond worried now. She laughed and it was genuine. He thought the death of the huntsman had broken her and the fact that it didn't seem to, is more worrying than if it did. He loves her but he knows that something bigger has to be wrong, maybe it has something to do with what's forcing her to do the paintings.

He knows one thing though, he's going to protect Emma, but for her sake he also has to keep himself alive because it's not just her physical wellbeing he's protecting it's her heart. He's failed so far but soon will be the time for retribution, he will not let another person she cares about die. He can't let her lose everything.

There's another thing he knows for sure. He's not going to be sleeping tonight.

 **Reviews? Please?**


	17. truth and consequence

**Author's note:**

 **Been so busy recently or there would have been at least three chapters since the last one. Enjoy :)**

 **Disclaimer: nope**

Truth and consequence

She mumbles as she wakes, the tug of Killian playing with her hair pulling her from sleep. She blinks up at him, stretching and yawning, working out the last of sleep. He's lost in thought, his stare distant and his brow creased downward, playing her hair as if he doesn't even know he's doing it. He also looks tired, dark circles under her eyes, and his lids drooping.

"Are you okay?" she frowns. His eyes snap down to her, looking as if he hadn't expected her to be awake.

"Aye, love… are you?" he sighs "after last night… after all that you've lost. I was worried you'd be plagued by nightmares… like I was after Liam's death"

"I'm fine. I didn't have any bad dreams or anything" he nods solemnly "what?"

He points to the far wall "guess that made up for it then" he mumbles.

"Made up for…" she gasps as she sees the wall Killian is pointing at.

It's covered in paintings she doesn't remember doing. She would have had to spend the whole night doing them but she doesn't feel like she did, she doesn't remember anything.

"You don't remember do you?"

"N-no I-I don't" she stutters jumping from the bed to get a closer look "I…"

She stares at the images of pain and death and loss of love. They're all circling around a swan. A majestic bird of white with black feathers on the tips of its wings, its eyes shining as if it were real. It stands out against the other images, its cold dark eyes sending shivers down her eyes. The question is what does it all mean?

Killian comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her against his shirtless chest. She sighs and gives into the embrace, still staring at the misery permanently depicted on the stone wall.

"Why does this keep happening?"

"I don't know love. But I'm sure there's a way we can find out"

"We have to, I can't keep doing this… maybe there'll be something in the library"

She moves away from his embrace, not turning back to look at him as she moves past using her magic to change her clothes. Replacing her white lace shift to a black vest, white shirt and leather pants. She can feel Killian's worried eyes following her around the room but she need something to distract her, and his pained expression isn't going to do that.

She walks to the door, satisfied that she grabbed the few things she wanted and calls to Killian, still standing in the same spot "you coming?"

"Aye love. You go ahead I'll meet you there" he murmurs as she leaves the room.

+.+.+.+

She walks through the hallways toward the library, consumed by the memories of the last three years. When she's alone she can do nothing but think, the ghosts of her life haunting her. She tries to drown them out and sometimes it works but they always return and after Graham's death the night before, they've come back stronger than ever.

But the thing that's haunting her isn't the death of Graham or the monster beyond the barrier, it's the missing memories from three years ago. It's never bothered her until now, waking up with the memory potion in her hand was just something that happened. But now it's all that's on her mind, this sense as if she needs to remember what's hidden behind the veil the potion created. She needs to remember, she just doesn't know how.

She hears silent conversation as she enters the library, she can't see the people talking but she has a feeling they're on the second floor. She listens as she walks to the shelves, reading the spines to get an idea of what she's looking for, it's not like she knows what's going on with her. Her name is spoken and her interest I peaked, listening more intently than before she stops paying any attention the books around her.

"Look I know you're worried about her, we've all had to adjust to them being here" she recognises the voice as her father and as the other person speaks up, she can hear that it's Duncan.

"I spend three years looking for her and she shows up here with a pirate, of course I'm bloody worried 'bout her" he growls

"Two pirates. Technically she arrived with a whole crew but only two of them are staying here"

"A whole crew? What was she doing with such scum?" Emma feels a burst of anger as he says it, how dare he? "And what are you doing letting two of them stay here?"

"Emma kind of, took control of the whole situation. She got us to let the crew go and Nathaniel and Killian stayed with her" her father sighs

"So why are they still here?" Duncan sounds angry, his overprotectiveness overcoming propriety.

"If we get rid of them Emma will leave. I've noticed over the last few weeks, she's been getting antsy, whenever she's been outside she's stared at the ocean as if it's calling to her somehow" he sighs again "I'm fairly sure that it's been Killian's love and Rumplestiltskin's threat that's keeping her here"

"Rumplestiltskin's threat?"

"Yes, unfortunately The Dark One is the reason Graham died last night but he's trying to kill Emma, Graham was just caught in the cross fire. He almost got to Emma last night as well but Killian saved her and carried her all the way back to the castle"

"Then I suppose it's time to ask, my suspicions that I mentioned in the letter, is it accurate?"

"No, she has not allowed the darkness to overcome her but the sheriff is dead. He killed her crew and she was heartbroken, in mourning which is why she was doing what she was doing, but Killian saved her. It was her ship and her crew. All but Nathaniel perished, and from what she's told me they were like family to her while she was gone"

She's still listening as Killian walks in. she shushes him with a finger to her lips before he utters a word and waves him over. He walks over with a furrowed brow but stays quiet, understanding when he hears the voices.

"Let me get this straight. Rumplestiltskin is trying to kill her, she's killed someone and she considered pirates family. And you think she hasn't let the darkness in"

"Look I know what you're thinking but you'd really need to talk to Emma. She's been through a lot and has come out of it all a strong independent woman but also damaged. From what I've gathered death has followed her after Baelfire's death"

"Aye I'll talk to her then, try and figure out the deal with the pirates and make sense of everything that I've missed" he sighs. She sees Killian look at her, an eyebrow raised curiously.

"You do that… and don't be so harsh about it" her father snaps as he walks toward the stair case leading to the first floor. They both leave the library without knowing Emma and Killian were listening.

"What the bloody hell was that about?" he murmurs

"Obviously my old body guard is as overprotective as ever"

She hadn't expected him to still be trying to do his job, to still be the father figure of sorts like he always had been. When she talks to him next she must rebuff him. He can't continue acting like he always has with Nathaniel, Killian and impending doom looming over their shoulders. She has to make him stop seeing her as the daughter he never had.

/./././././././././.

/./././././././././

It's been hours since they overheard the conversation between the king and Emma's protector, they're no closer to finding what they're looking for. They've gone through over a hundred books and scrolls on curses and magic and what have they got to show for it? Nothing.

He suggested to her that if they told someone maybe they can get help but she refused. She fetched Nathaniel though, was willing to ask a fourteen year old for help but not her own parents. Of course Nathaniel was perfectly happy to do so, following Emma around like she's a goddess and he would do anything for her. Killian understands why the boy would be so loyal to her but what he doesn't understand is why Emma chose to ask Nathaniel for help over her own parents.

He's standing on the second floor looking over some books while Emma and Nathaniel bicker on the lower level. He started looking at books on potions. He thinks that the memory potion had something to do with it, Emma had said that this painting magic started the day she awoke with the potion in her hand. So the best thing they can do if they don't find a curse is to link it to that potion.

He finds a book on herbs and mental manipulation potions and pulls it from the shelf, carrying the leather bound book down the stairs for the others to see. He drops it on the table with a loud thump, the sound startling Emma and Nathaniel from their conversation.

"Found a book on potions, thought it was something to consider, love"

She nods getting up and moving around the table toward him "yeah we might be able to find something to reverse the effects of the potion I took three years ago" she mumbles pulling the book to her "yeah this'll definitely help, this is the book Grandmother used to teach me how to make potions in the first place"

"Is that so?" he smiles "well let's hope we can find something to help"

"Yeah let's hope"

They fall into comfortable silence once more, the sound of pages fluttering the only thing breaking the quiet. He glances at Emma every few moments, just to look at her. She has a wistful smile on her face as she turns the pages to the book he had brought her, remembering her lessons no doubt. She pauses on a page and her smile disappears, a frown and furrowed brow taking its place.

"What is it love?" he asks, concern constricting his heart as he waits for an answer. Nathaniel looks up from his book and looks at Emma as well.

"I think I know how to get my memory back, but we're going to need a few things" she continues frowning at the page.

"Shouldn't that be a good thing" Nathaniel asks noticing the same tension in Emma as Killian is.

"What if I had a reason for doing it? What if what I'd witnessed something even worse than… and made myself forget so that pain wouldn't be there?"

"Emma love we'll be here for you, if it's bad we'll help you get through it" he smiles

"Yeah" Nathaniel pipes up.

"Okay" she smiles "let's get the stuff so I can make this potion then"

They all leave, Killian and Nathaniel following behind Emma closely as they head to the apothecary. It's going to take a while but they'll get the things they need, then Emma can remember what she's lost.

 **Reviews? I've been working so hard**


	18. forgotten pains

**Author's note:**

 **Life has been such a hassle… but hello there, new chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: Do. Not.**

Forgotten pains

He watches as she mixes the ingredients that they'd spent over twenty minutes poring over the shelves to find. His heart races as she gets closer to the completing the potion, to her lost memories. What if they were worse than any of the other memories she has? What if they destroy her? He wants to protect her heart but she's determined to find out what she's missing.

As she adds the last few ingredients, wolfs blood, essence of rosemary and some sort of dried fungus he's never heard of, the mixture glows a little brighter with each. A thin veil of white-blue smoke rises from the goblet when the light dissipates and Emma grins in success as it bubbles lightly in the goblet.

"Are you sure about this?" Nathaniel's worried voice speaks over the silence that fell over them, his voice echoing in the tall stone walled room.

"Love?" she's staring at the concoction anxiously only looking up when Killian shakes her arm and calls to her.

"I'm fine" she breathes, grabbing his hand with a reassuring smile "I'm just ready for this whole thing to be over"

"Aye… but if you want… we could sail away, leave the crocodile to his madness" his heart starts to race in his chest again, he doesn't want to run, to be thought of as a coward but he doesn't want her to get hurt anymore.

"I would like nothing more" she smiles sadly as picks up the goblet "but I can't run from my problems anymore" he stares at her nervously as she downs the contents of the goblet.

She sways for a moment staring at nothing with a furrowed brow. "It didn't wo…" she starts but doesn't finish as the goblet drops a moment before she does.

"Emma!"

/./././././././././

/./././././././././

 _She groans as she wakes in the stiff hay bed she's still not use to. She smiles sadly at the movement of the little one growing inside her, smoothing her hand over the large baby bump, the death of its father still weighing heavily on her heart. The loss still fresh although it's been a few months. She never even got to tell him._

" _Oh thank god you're still alright" Regina breathes as she appears in the room._

" _Of course I'm alright… why wouldn't I be alright?" her brow furrows as she stands from the too uncomfortable bed._

" _The Dark One… he's been looking for you and that never bodes well. Robins in hiding but I need to find somewhere safe for you as well Emma"_

" _Why is Robin in hiding? If The Dark One is coming after me…"_

" _Because he knows I know where you are, and that imp will use Robin against me Emma" she says, fear of losing Robin obvious on her now aged features._

" _Okay let me just" she grunts putting her hand to her rounded stomach. She looks up at Regina, eyes sharing one thing. She isn't leaving for a while._

 _*Six and a half hours later*_

 _The cry of a baby boy fill the air around her as her pain finally ends. Regina had got her a doctor within moments of her labour starting and over six hours later here she is holding her new born son._

" _What are you going to name him?" the doctor asks as he cleans himself up._

" _Henry, after my step great grandfather… would you mind getting Regina for me" she asks still staring at her baby. He nods and goes to find her, leaving Emma alone with Henry for just a short moment. "I promise you Henry you will be happy" she whispers as a tear rolls down her cheek._

" _Emma? Are you okay? We really will need to be going soon dear"_

" _I need you to make some potions" her breath hitches as she says it, her heart breaking at the painful decision she's made._

" _Potions? What kind?" her brow furrows, confusion filling the eyes of the person she calls grandmother._

" _Memory potions" she explains her idea, still clutching the only part of her love she has left, her little baby boy. Emma tells Regina that she will take little baby Henry into hiding, and fake her death to the Kingdom, making everyone believe she is dead. And Emma will take a potion that will erase specific information. That will erase the memory of ever being pregnant in the first place._

" _No, No! That is a terrible idea, no" Regina says pacing back and forth._

" _Please granny" she says tears stinging her eyes "I need you to do this"_

" _That potion has terrible side effects, Emma" she sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed "it could torment you, haunt you"_

" _I know but I can't live with these memories without him… and I can't look after him if I'm being hunted by The Dark One" she whispers through her tears "please"_

"… _Okay"_

 _*the next morning*_

" _Oh god" she groans as she blinks at the blinding light "did I get drunk last night or something? I don't remember anything… uughh" she sits up her head screaming at her in protest._

 _There's a weight in her hand and she looks down, her brows furrowing in confusion at the little potion bottle resting there. How did that get there?_

 _She shrugs and gets up, using her magic to change her clothes. Today is the day she will find a way to leave this damnable place and leave behind the people who failed her…_

She sits up in a flurry of blankets, eyes seeking out Killian in the dark room. The moment her eyes land on him, he's up and moving toward her. Her lip quivers and tears start to fall but somehow her heart feels lighter, like all the weight of death means nothing when she has a child out there, somewhere.

"Emma, love are you okay? You took the potion and just fainted dead away… I was so worried"

"I'm fine Killian… everything's going to be fine" she mumbles not really feeling it, she may feel lighter but her heart still hurts.

"Well love? Do you remember?" he looks at her, eyes full of concern. She nods, not sure how to tell him of the child, of Henry, not knowing how he will react. "Well?"

"I have a son…" he stares at her, brow furrowed, not saying a word and the silence starts screaming at her making her worry that he's taken the news extremely bad. "Killian?" she says hesitantly.

"You have… a son?" he whispers, uncertainty in his bright blue eyes, his body stiff.

"Yes but Killian, that's not going to stop my love for you" she says putting her hand on his stubbled cheek. He nuzzles against her hand, relaxing again at her smile.

"Where…" he says clearing his throat before he continues "where is he?"

"I don't know Regina has him… she faked her death" she quickly stated when a look of worry crossed his face again.

"Then we should find him, once the crocodiles been dealt with" he smiles

"Really?" she smiles

"Aye, anything for the woman I love" he presses his forehead against hers, then presses his lips to hers and in her heart she feels more hope than she ever thought she have.

/./././././././

/././././././.

It's been a long day to say the least. Searching through the library, searching through the apothecary, spending the rest of the day and most of the night by Emma's side. He's exhausted and that's putting it lightly but that doesn't stop them from touching each other, holding each other, loving each other.

This child of hers may not be his but he has a feeling that he'll be blessed to call them both family in the future.

 **I gave myself feels… it was short as well… oops Reviews?**


	19. To end a war

**Author's note:**

 **It's been a while but I'm back and I hope I'll be able to post at least once a week from now on. Anyway… new chapter ^.^**

 **Disclaimer: I own a lot of things but not OUAT**

To end a war

"A son?" Emma's father practically growls. She huffs in humour remembering his reaction the first time she told her parents of the child, it was exactly the same.

"Yes I have a son and we all forgot about him" she sighs looking into the eyes of her parents and lifelong bodyguard. Killian is standing behind her, his arms around her waist to give her comfort. "We need to stop The Dark One before we can get him back"

"Do you know where he is sweetie?" Snow asks smiling softly a small amount of sorrow in her eyes.

"He's with Regina, he's safe. Look, I need time to make a plan on how to defeat Rumplestiltskin, we all do. It has to be an idea that doesn't leave one of us as the Dark One though because that would be bad" She states, continuing to look around the room.

"What about the fairies, surely their magic can help?" Duncan frowns, looking at Killian's arms around Emma. She knows that he's got a protective father mode stronger than her own father when it comes to her but she always ignores it.

"They'll about as much use as a Selkie out of water at this point" Emma rolls her eyes, thinking up ideas already. She spent years as the captain of a pirate ship, she learnt to think fast cause any moment could be the last on a ship, pirate or not. "I'm going to talk to him. Don't worry I won't step over the line"

"Do you think that's a good idea Captain?" Nathaniel asks, his eyes trained on the ground. Emma knows that what had happened on the ship still affects him, hell it still affects her but the magic that erased her memory caused her emotions, specifically grief to be dulled, and it seems that any events that happened during that time aren't going to affect her even though the magic has been removed with the memory potion antidote.

"No it's not a good idea unfortunately but…" she sighs "it's going to help in the long haul and that's what we really need"

"I'll come with you" Killian adds into her ear.

"No I need to do this alone" Emma says turning to face him. she kisses him softly on the cheek then on his mouth before pulling away "I'll see you in a bit okay"

"Okay" he smiles. She can see him trying to hide his concern behind a mask.

"Good luck Emma" her father says as she leaves the room.

./././

It takes her a good few minutes to get to the edge of the barrier, her mind wandering just as her legs are. She can't help but think that maybe if they just leave, if she just leaves and makes the Dark one chase her forever, then everyone will be better off - including Henry.

But she won't leave, running is what she did before and it didn't do anything for her, so she isn't going to do it again. She is going to fight.

"Rumplestiltskin!" she shouts at the edge of the forest, the early morning sun barely shining upon her.

"Finally given up, dearie?" the Dark One asks as he appears in front of her, his scaly skin shining slightly in the sun.

"No I just wanted to talk" she states indifferently.

"Well talk away dearie. I have eternity after all" he grins.

"Why are you doing this?" Emma frowns, using her magic to make a chair appear beside her. Even though she's scared she will show an indifference to the presence of the demon in front of her.

"You don't know?" Rumple feigns surprise with wide eyes and his hand on his chest "How rude of me. Although I think you already know"

She thought for a moment, trying to figure out what he meant. "Why did you want to get to the land without magic?" she asked. She knew the answer of course but she needs to throw him off.

"To find my son of course" he snapped, tiring of her 'ignorance'.

"Baelfire?" she smirks.

"Yes!" the Dark One sneers, watching her with narrowed eyes.

"It's unfortunate you'll never find him" Emma taunts sadly. The thought of him dead hurts but she's willing to pretend it doesn't, just to hurt the Dark One.

"Why's that?" Rumplestiltskin growls, glaring daggers at the blonde.

"Because he's dead…" she pauses, giving him time to register what she said. "…and it's all your fault" she says, betraying no emotions as she spoke.

"No! You're lying" he sneers again "You can't possibly know that"

"I was there, I think I'd know whether or not my fiancé got murdered" she says getting up from the chair "And you've already confessed to sending the man who killed Baelfire, pretty much all adds up to you being the cause of your own sons demise"

"Stop lying" he yells, forming a fireball and throwing it only for it to dissipate on the barrier.

"I may be a pirate but I'm not lying, and I will fight you until _your_ dying breath, because you're a villain and you will always lose" she says, turning on her heal and disappearing in a cloud of white.

"I will kill you for this saviour, it's only a matter of time" the Dark one says to empty air before disappearing in red.

/././././././.

/./././././.

"Well there's that done" Emma says as she appears in the room. Killian looks up at her still surprised when she magic's her way around like that.

"What'd you say to the monster?" he asks as she made her way over to him.

Emma sits down next to him, sighing as she settled down "I told him the truth"

"So you stabbed him with the sword of emotion?" he asks, a small concerned smile playing on his lips.

"Pretty much" Emma huffs at the way he said it.

"We'll win this fight love, there's no way we'll let that crocodile win" he kisses her reverently and reassuringly. He's concerned but knows his pirate princess will win.

"I know Killian" she says, looking into his eyes with love. "I know"

/./././././

/./././././

Rumplestiltskin growls and sneers as he appears in the main hall of his castle, already pacing back and forth, the click of his shoes echoing in the empty room. He thought he was angry before but now he is so beyond that.

He thought for a moment, hoping for the best way to defeat the heroes and the saviour, a way to erase who they are to the world. To destroy their good, their light. To do what the dark one does best.

He decides on the one thing he knows he can do. An extremely evil curse that will end all curses. All he needs to do is get it back and enact it after all he has all the ingredients.

"Rumple please let me out" Belle shouts from the darkness of her cell but the Dark one ignores her and gets to work finding the curse.

 **:| that's right, I'm gonna do it! Reviews?**


	20. Just the way part 1

**Author's note:**

 **Ugh it has taken me forever to get back to writing….**

 **Disclaimer: well if no one has figured it out by now….**

 **Just the way P1**

"I'm worried…" Emma starts, pacing back and forth in the huge council room. "We haven't heard anything about him in weeks."

"And you weren't worried before?" Grumpy snorts from his seat.

"What if he's looking for the dark curse?" Sneezy adds before, for the sixth time since they started this meeting, he sneezes.

They all share a new load of concern between the looks in their eyes, the air around the room seeming heavier once again.

"It's a possibility Emma…" Snow says after a moment of silence.

Emma pauses her step to look at her mother "I know but one good thing is Lilly and Maleficent aren't likely to give it to him. Lilly is good and Mal is not as evil, to put it nicely. Although I haven't seen either in years"

"What exactly does this dark curse do?" Killian pipes up after standing in silence for most of the gathering.

Emma stares out the window "it will drag all of the people from this land and rip away all that had made them happy" she pauses with a sigh "erasing all their memories…"

"Emma was the only one who could have saved us at the start but we don't know if it's possible if she gets caught in the curse…" her father adds.

"It's not possible. He won't go after that. Even if he did how's he gonna cast it? A beast like him has no love in his heart." Emma states.

"And if he finds a way around that?" her father asks quietly.

"Then I guess we're fucked" she shrugged. "Here's the plan, dwarves are on guard, tell the other guards to be on high alert. No travellers or strangers are allowed with in the walls. If someone we know is outside the wall they can fuck off until this problem is fixed." She walks around the table, listing off the things passing through her head. "I'm going to Maleficent's castle to acquire the curse so he doesn't. If he shows up while I'm there I'll shove a sword through his gut just on principle alone"

"How are you going to get there?" her mother asks "if you use your magic he'll know and be there waiting for you"

"I'm going to ride there, it'll only take a week, then I can magic back once I have it" she says, determination already shining in her eyes.

"I'll go with you love, you can't go alone…." Killian starts before being cut off.

"And if the dark one shows up on the road? And uses you against me? I think not"

"I'm not letting you go along love" he says bluntly not letting her argue.

"Fine. As for the rest of you wait until I return."

"Did you think of asking the opinion of the king and queen, Emma? It is supposed to be the king and queen that makes decisions concerning their kingdom." David interludes before she walks off.

"Oh I'm sorry I wasn't aware we had the time to argue over plans, I'll have to remember that when we return" she says, sarcasm dripping in her tone as she turns to leave the room.

The King looks at Killian, begging with his eyes for him to reason with Emma. Killian just nods, shrugs and follows after Emma, feeling apprehensive about her plan as well. He may not have spoken much during their meeting but his mind was racing. A curse to erase their memories? Emma planning to spend a week riding to make sure she can get the curse to rule it out of the possible problems. He has a lot to think about but he'll still follow her to the ends of the earth.

/././././

Emma can't help but miss being the captain of a ship, she'd have had no one question her just then if she was. Of course she'd be sailing the seas without knowledge of her son and without Killian by her side. She'd be alone but she'd be free to give the orders.

She can hear Killian walking slowly behind her, he was probably asked to reason with her but she'll have none of that if he was.

She's headed back to her room to get a bed roll for their trip to Maleficent's castle. She didn't want to go, didn't want to be roped into being a hero when she's well aware she's not one, not like her parents. She's a pirate now and there's no way to get passed that when she misses it so much.

"Are you sure this is a good idea love? I'm not arguing with your idea I just want to know if this is the best course of action" Killian spoke after a few minutes of following her.

"Yes, it's the best plan, except it'll work better if you don't come with me" she sighs, turning to face him in the darkened hallway.

"Why would it work better without me?" he asks as he steps closer to her. He pulls her close, pressing himself against her "why?" he implores.

"I can't tell you Killian, just trust me when I say it'd work better without you there" she sighs, resting her head on his chest.

"I'm still going with you love" he smiles, he has a bad feeling about her original plan, so he's going to stick by her for that.

 **Just the way part one done! The second part will be longer and yeah I know this one was super short. :O Reviews plz?**


	21. just the way part 2

**Author's note:**

 **I'm really sorry everyone who've been waiting for the next part I swear I've been doing nothing yet I never have time hahah.**

 **Disclaimer: Nup.**

Just the way. Part 2.

She closes the door behind her as she leaves, the wind blowing gently through the darkness of the castle sending a chill down her spine. Killian is waiting at the gate with the horses so she hurries through the silent passage ways of the castle. She walks out into the open of the court yard and continues walking without distraction. A small glowing gold orb floating just above her hand is her only source of light as she walks along the wall of her old home. She feels like she's leaving her home a second time but this time she has someone. Someone she fears the outcome of bringing.

She sees Killian's small smile through the darkness as she turns the corner, truth be told she was frightened until then, his smile will always light up her world. She walks hastily toward him the grass then the gravel crunching under her feet, the cool thing the air blowing past her.

"We need to get going" she says as she reaches him, the light from his smile dimming as she says it.

"Are you really sure about this love? Surly we can find another way…" he sighs.

"Yes I'm sure Killian…" she cuts him off "this is the only chance we have or we'll be cursed… with no way out"

He nods understanding and hands her the reins to her horse, a beautiful white gelding with smears of reddish brown fur down its side making it look like someone spilt blood on something once pure. She straddles the horse with ease, she knows it's going to take a while for her butt to get accustomed to a saddle between her legs again. Her long brown leather jack falls over the horses butt as he starts to trot through the gate way, Killian and his horse following close behind.

Twenty minutes pass before they reach the edge of the safe zone spell. Emma pauses, staring at the glimmering wall before her as she concentrates on another spell, one that should keep them safe on their journey. She murmurs the spell quietly, speaking words she doesn't quite understand but knows work.

She looks back at Killian and nods as he stares back not questioning a thing. She starts her horse on a trot once more feeling safer now they can't be traced.

./././././././././././././././././././.

/././././././././././././././././././.

He sits in silence as they travel, almost an hour has passed since they started they're little quest and Emma has spent it in almost complete silence. He understands of course, she's worried, even more so now that she knows she has a son and that everyone is in danger.

The smell of damp dust and grass fills the air dragging him from his thoughts. He's not used to that smell, the smell that comes just before the rain on dry land. It smells different out at sea, like salt and feels crisp and cold. This is warm and earthy.

"Do you thing we should find shelter love?" he asks watching her.

"We can go for ten more minutes then we can" she states before shaking the reins and galloping off on her horse.

He follows her lead and speeds up as well, all the while scoping out possible safety in the cliff side beside them, a cave or over hang should do for cover.

He spots a good cave ahead, clearly deep and dark but hopefully safe and large enough to take the horses in as well. "Emma!" he shouts ahead "there's a good looking cave ahead we can stop there till the rain passes over…. It's probably about midnight and at least one of us needs rest"

"Okay Killian… we'll go rest and get out of the rain" she says hopping off her horse and leading it toward the cave.

He watches her as she does, she's obviously tired so rest is good at this point.

He tethers their horses to a stalagmite by the entrance of the cave and rushes to find wood for a fire while Emma sets up a bed and the spot where she wants the fire placed. It's but moments from raining as he gathers what wood he can find, the first drops falling already.

The pit is set up as he walks back into the cave, the only light for the moment is Emma's magic floating around the space. He places the sticks and small logs into the pit she made and the moment his hands were away it was lit instantly and already bright.

/./././././././././././././././.

/./././././././././././././../././.

Emma starts looking around the cave the moment the fire is lit, she won't admit how tiring it was keeping the little orb lit for over an hour as well as sustaining a barrier around a castle and the spell around them. She wants to look around more but is too tired. She ignores the buzz of magic in the cave and goes to sleep.

/././././././././

Killian nudges Emma awake as the sun starts to shine in through the cave entrance. Her eyes open to look up at Killian but he's not looking at her, he's looking at the entrance of the cave. Emma sits up to see a young woman sitting by the entrance and an opening in the back of the cave that wasn't there last night.

"I mean neither of you harm" she says, her back still turned to them "I noticed last night that you had both come into my cave to escape the rain and rest…. So I hid my home and let you be…" she laughs lightly "but I, like always, got curious" she turns and smiles, her flowing blood red hair moving over her shoulder as she turns and her bright green eyes glowing in the morning light. "Why are you here?" She asks looking back out the cave.

"Could ask the same of you lass" Killian snarks distrustfully.

"Well I'm merely here for a place to sleep, while I hide from my sister… set up a nice place to live till I find a ship's crew to join" she shakes her head. "So now I've told you why I'm in this cave… why are you?"

"We are on our way to Maleficent's castle so we can make sure the dark one doesn't get a hold of a certain curse." Emma says trying to read the woman's face when she looks back.

"Rumpelstiltskin?" she asks with a cautious tone.

"Yes, he's planning great evil at this very moment" Killian replies.

"That sounds about right… he taught my sisters magic and so far it's been for sinister reasons…." She sighs "you two should continue your journey, I know of the curse he is seeking and it is truly evil… so I suggest you hurry"

She disappears in a cloud of blue magic and the opening at the back of the cave returns to looking like a wall.

Emma and Killian take a moment to regain any sense of thought and gather their things, riding away from the cave a mere ten minutes later. It should be an easy journey between here and Maleficent's castle, Emma just hopes they'll get there fast enough

 **So that's that, they're well on their way. Reviews?**


End file.
